Monday Monday

1. I think there is great need for a sarcasm font.
2. I do not want to start my DVD collection again so I am ignoring Blue Ray
3. I have a couple numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer it when they call.
4. I try to keep my words soft and sweet just in case I have to eat them.
5. We could learn a lot from crayons...some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
6. A smile can change a whole lot of things!
7. No matter how old my boys are, they will always be my babies.
8. There is no such thing as a bad time to eat a cupcake.
9. Sometimes it is better to just have no expectations.
10. Going grocery shopping without a list is never a good idea.

My Philosophy

1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BADGIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR ALGEBRA?

24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

I love these lists.

WTF

Things that made me go Huh??

Blood Bath?  Psycho Chic?

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it must be a lamp?

The perfect bathroom scales

A high End book shelf

Hmmm I have now seen it all a horny chair.

I would make a how big is your sausage chair joke but I like to think I am more mature than that.

A whole new meaning to flip on the light.

Words fail me.

Quick pass this house some Viagra.

If the house is rockin don’t come knockin

Feel Good

I have been thinking ways to avoid the over-commercialization of Christmas this year. Donating food is a GREAT way to make a difference in your community. I really like the idea of presenting a loved one with a card telling them that a family has had a warm meal "in your name”

Each community has a food bank and with the recession I am sure they would be delighted to get a nice donation from you.

So clean your cupboards, pick up an extra can and DONATE, they even accept money to purchase dairy and produce.

Wal mart is selling turkey for 40¢ a pound. Buy one and donate it to a soup kitchen.

Practice now, Thanksgiving is next week. So donate food, supplies or your time. You will feel good.

Seems like a no-brainer to me..

10 Facts about Cancer

1. There are more than 100 types of cancers; any part of the body can be affected.
2. In 2004, 7.4 million people died of cancer - 13% of all deaths worldwide.
3. More than 70% of all cancer deaths occur in low and middle income countries.
4. Worldwide, the 5 most common types of cancer that kill men are (in order of frequency): lung, stomach, liver, colorectal and oesophagus.
5. Worldwide, the 5 most common types of cancer that kill women are (in the order of frequency): breast, lung, stomach, colorectal and cervical.
6. Tobacco use is the single largest preventable cause of cancer in the world.
7. One fifth of all cancers worldwide are caused by a chronic infection, for example human papillomavirus (HPV) causes cervical cancer and hepatitis B virus (HBV) causes liver cancer.
8. A third of cancers could be cured if detected early and treated adequately.
9. All patients in need of pain relief could be helped if current knowledge about pain control and palliative care were applied.
10. More than 30% of cancer could be prevented, mainly by not using tobacco, having a healthy diet, being physically active and preventing infections that may cause cancer.

Tuesday Trivia

1. Eagles see better than humans on clear days, humans see better than eagles on foggy days.
2. The United States spends $79 million a day collecting "intelligence" around the world.
3. Your're born with 300 bones, but have only 206 as an adult. The others fuse together.
4. An average person gives off about as much heat in an hour as a 100~watt light bulb.
5. 63% of shopping~mall Santa's have a college degree...and 29% are fluent in sign language.
6. The average Japanese drinks 4.8 gallons of liquor a year, the average American drinks 1.3 gallons.
7. It took Einstein five weeks to write his Theory of Relativity.
8. The average American opens their fridge 22 times a day.
9. Emergency call: In the U.S. you dial 911; in Stockholm, Sweden, you dial 90000.
10. Three U.S. towns are named Santa Claus.
11. Reindeer are the only species of deer in which the female grows antlers.
12. A snowstorm becomes a blizzard when the temp drops below 2o°F and wind speed hits 35 mph.