COPD rant and Class Reunion questions

I have COPD.. severe COPD.. 25% lung function.. and that was several years ago.. since it is a progressive disease my guess is now around 20% or less.  Think about that.. It is extremely hard for me to do the simplest of tasks. Taking a bath is exhausting.  Walking across the room is exhausting.. Take a second and imagine this .. yeah awful and don't I know it. 
I work really hard at being upbeat and have a good attitude. I figure what the heck this is better than the alternative right? I don't complain and only those that know me understand how hard my life is.. and still I have no complaints. 
I am for all practical purposes a shut in, I have not been out of this house since last August.. for real. And I can honestly say I am ok with it. I have wonderful family and friends who do so much for me.. from getting groceries to taking out my trash.. they are there for me.. I had to learn to ask for help.. (which I hate doing) 
But please don't tell me I can do something that I can't .. it just is like rubbing salt on a wound.. it forces me to come face to face with the facts of my life. And it hurts.  I cry and then I get over it till the next time. please stop.. 
Then in other unrelated news there is that damn Class Reunion coming up. They send letters, they call, they send another letter, they call again.  The ones that I have never had a conversation with, who were the popular kids, yep them. (I was the mouse in the corner in school)  I find this odd. Before graduation no one knew I existed and since no one knew, sooooooo Why do you suppose they are so keen on getting me to attend? 

My really really bad day

 So I wake up at around 3 am today .. wow can't breathe... wonder why.. then it dawns on my .. machine is not working NO O2 coming out.. grab the tank I keep for emergencies .. turn it on and catch my breath.. finally start down stairs.. holding heavy tank and the 50 ft cord from the machine... down about 4 steps .. stooopid safety on my stair lift stops me. cuss.. get up reset safety.. continue down.. all this time the machine is alarming .. loudly.. very loudly.. my ears are still ringing. turn it off.. wait.. turn it on .. success it works for about a quick minute and the boom off and alarming again.. checked cord for kinks. there are none... reset and try again.. same result. .. still not satisfied I try one more time.. same result .( You know what they call a person who does the same thing over and over and expects a different result?}. runs for a few and then alarms. around 3:30 AfreckinM I call emergency number for Lxxcxxx.. after pushing 1 for English.. yes .. 1 for English.. and a couple other number to get to a live person,  a very nice lady in Florida takes my info and puts me on hold.
Soon C**y comes on the phone.. Says do you have plenty of canisters? I answer that I do he whines well it will be around 7 before I can get there as I would have to go to the shop etc.. blah blah blah.. Use your canisters and I will see you first thing in the morning.. I ask what time is that .. he replies 9 or 10 am.. I must have gotten on the $hit list some how.. I am stressed to almost my limit and that of course makes breathing harder.. but not an emergency ....this hard to believe.... I am not happy to say the least.
It is now almost 7 am.. and I am making a list of things to do today..
1. Find new oxygen supplier
2. Find out what constitutes an emergency
3. Nap

Never Forget

Thankful

Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful woman
and wished I were as beautiful.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and used a crutch.
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs; the world is mine.

I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes; the world is mine.

Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child I knew.
He stood and watched the others play,
but he did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
Why don't you join them dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
I forgot, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears; the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I'd go..
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine.

After all, it's just a simple reminder that we have so much to be thankful for!
Give the gift of love. It never comes back empty!

I have been truly blessed with AWESOME FRIENDS.

**BLOGGING??? JOURNALING??? ...WHATEVER**

 

I was reading another blog today. She had read yet another blog, wherein the blogger stated that the most important things about her blog was number of page views and amount of money made; furthermore, if there were people who did not see it that way, they were not really blogging but, rather, just journaling. The way I feel about it is this...as far as mine goes...call it blogging, call it journaling, call it crap. Whatever. It doesn't make any difference to me, as long as I get to do it.

I've been writing in some form or another, and usually several, since I could write. Although it would be really cool, on the one hand, to make money from writing; on the other hand, I don't  ever want writing to be a job. The "real bloggers," the ones who have hundreds upon hundreds of followers and who make money on ads; their blogs are not the same as mine. I don't really know what it is they have to do to make money on their blogs and I will never find out.  I just like having the outlet.  Lately I've had one of those periods where lots of things that started a long time ago came to a head for me, and I had to dig deep and deal. As I have always said, I can put up with a lot, but then something will happen or something will be said that is the straw that breaks this camel's back.
This is what happens. Lots of times when I get mad at somebody that I care about, what really happens is that my feelings are hurt, and that can be fairly easy to fix, depending on the other person. On my part, though, it's easy to fix. Just don't be a jerk when I don't deserve it, that's all. But, then, if it's the same $hit over and over again, but maybe sometimes worse, I'm gonna get to the point where I don't care about and/or like the other person anymore.
As it is, I'm a little unclear how it is anyone can actually like another person but treat them crappy. I don't get it. And eventually, I don't like it...or the person who does it. Joking around is one thing; what I'm talking about it totally different. As a last ditch effort, I even tried to be an a$$hole right back...but I just can't feel good about that, and why would I want to be around a person, even marginally, that I have to treat with sarcastic a$$holeness. Again, don't get it. Not gonna do it. It's a horrible waste of time, even if it's a small amount of time. So, that is all done and finished, and I guess, while I will not go so far as to say it makes me happy, I will say I am at peace about it. I don't like it when I end up not liking people that at one time I thought were worth it, but the only thing worse is spending more time on it after it's been so clear to me what needs to happen time and time again. This time is different, and it is as it should be.


I'm still just so thankful that, each and every day, I have so many blessings; things, people, situations. You name it, I always have stuff that makes me laugh; that, to me, is priceless.

Mojo

So, there have been some changes since the last time I was here, and I couldn't even imagine what new and exciting things I would find.  Wait...is that sarcasm that I detect?

I thought about starting a whole new blog; start new, and go a whole different direction.  Since I couldn't seem to get myself motivated to come here and post, I thought maybe that was the answer.  I still read blogs and sometimes I'm a little envious, what with having lost my blogging mojo and all.  But then it didn't take long until I remembered that...it is what it is, always. 

Any blog of mine, whether it be this one or a new one, still would not be like most of the others I read.  I never have, nor will I ever, posted photographic evidence of every move I make.  See, there's a sign of a generational difference right there..."we" worked really hard to make sure that there was NOT photographic evidence of our comings and goings and doings.  It just wasn't done.

No matter how hard I try, any blog of mine would not every portray me as being effortlessly perfect, with the occasional "my life is not perfect" post thrown in so as to "keep it real."  I'm a by-the-seat-of-my-pants blogger, with no well-thought-out posts, sponsors, giveaways, link-ups, or any other things that not-so-subtly hint at aspirations of best blog notoriety. I just write the way I write...words,  because for me that's all there is.  Not that there's anything wrong with all of the rest...I love reading those blogs, and I have admiration for them in that tongue-in-cheek sort of way.  As in, it's just the difference in age groups, and also a sign of how the times have changed since I was that age.  And can I just say right now that I sure am happy I was that age in a different era?  I'm not sure, but it sure seems like there is a lot of pressure to be perfect.  Thankfully, we didn't have that kind of pressure when I was that age, or if we did I completely missed it.

So, the gist is this.  I'm not going to think anymore about which direction this blog should take...to the point where all I do is think about it, versus actually writing a blog post!  It's going to be what it's always been...my place just for me, to write what I want and what is on my mind. 
I will always only be able to be exactly who and what I am...