Open Letter to Spammers.

I'm currently working on technology that will intercept
spam, bounce it to the originating server, and electrocute the spammer using his keyboard and mouse. Until my work is finished, I have a couple simple requests.
Before I go any further, let me make one comment. A penis cannot be enlarged by three inches. Can't we make a more believable claim? Let's say a half inch, or an inch max. Thanks - a little reality goes a long way here.
Clearly, spam cannot be eliminated. (This is why I'm
working on my invention.) But there's clearly an unnecessary amount of redundancy in the e-mail.
I really feel that lot of the clutter could be eliminated
with some simple consolidation. Look at industry. As
start-ups become successful in their niche, they are bought by larger companies. These larger companies incorporate the technology and services into their product line. Everybody wins. The users can now get everything they need from one source, and sales and support are given by the same company.
I think that's an excellent model for the spam industry as well. Instead of the scores of spam that clutter my inbox each morning, I envision a single spam which reads something like this:
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Refinance with us! We've been in the mortgage business for six months and guarantee you the lowest rates (unless someone else's are lower). Call our toll-free number and speak with one of our friendly, professional loan officers today.
When you refinance with us, you'll receive the following benefits:
* A year's supply of Viagra
* Penis growth kit/pill/device - grow your member an inch!
* Norton SystemWorks - includes AntiVirus!
But wait. That's not all. You also get a free pass to
porn sites! View all the hot XXX action you can stand.
Now how much would you pay?
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Now isn't that a better idea? You spammers don't have to send a different e-mail for every product, and we victims don't need to wade through all those useless e-mails. Once again, everybody wins. I'd put this into action right away. Because I'm *this* close to perfecting my Spammer Electrocution technology.
You may not have another chance.

(ironically this is from an email)