Food for Thought

1. I used to eat a lot of natural foods; until I learned most people die from natural causes.
2. There are two kinds of pedestrians; the quick and the dead.
3. Life is sexually transmitted.
4. Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
5. The only difference between a rut and a groove is the depth.
6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid one day laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
7. Have you noticed since every one has a digital camera these days no one talks about seeing UFO’s like they used to.
8. When ever I feel blue I start breathing again.
9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather; it pays no attention to criticism.
10. In the 60’s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
11. How is it one match can start a forest fire and it takes a whole box to light a camp fire?
12. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say “I think I will squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?”
13. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares why is there a song about him?
14. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
15. If quizzes are quizzical what are tests?
16. If corn oil is make from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
17. Do Illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
18. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
19. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

(From an email)