1. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
2. If the 'black box' flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
3. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol?
4. Can you cry under water?
5. Why do people say, 'You've been working like a dog' when dogs just sit around all day?
6. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?
7. Do fish ever get thirsty?
8. Can you get cornered in a round room?
9. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep?
10. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables then what is baby oil made from?
11. What should one call a male ladybird?
12. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?
13. Can you blow a balloon up under water?
14. Why is it called a 'building' when it is already built?
15. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it?
16. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
17. Why is it called a TV set when there’s only one?
18. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
19. Why are ‘apart’ments stuck together?
20. Who teaches spiders which leg to put forward first, when they start walking?
21.Why is inspiration momentary, while depression is more permanent?
5 comments:
#21
Oh boy!
I know that one.
MSN:
OK, who's been re-reading their copy of Napalm and Silly Putty???
ROFLMAO...I'm sure Carlin is smiling, as am I.
((BTW - #13...yes, you can)).
Well done.
Stay safe down there.
I have answers.
1. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
A- concerned dog owners like myself.
2. If the 'black box' flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
A-You'd have to replace the jet engines with Titan rockets to lift off.
3. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol?
A- I did- pay up!
4. Can you cry under water?
A- sure, till my lungs fill up.
5. Why do people say, 'You've been working like a dog' when dogs just sit around all day?
A- Because they REALLY know how hard I've been working.
6. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?
A- designs by Government bureaucrats.
7. Do fish ever get thirsty?
A- Damn right. That's why you never walk away from your six-pack while fishing.
8. Can you get cornered in a round room?
A- Depends. Are you blonde?
9. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep?
A- Bungee-Jammies!
10. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables then what is baby oil made from?
A- You don't wanna know.
11. What should one call a male ladybird?
A- LBJ.
12. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?
A- I think so. You see it in courtrooms and congressional hearings all the time!
13. Can you blow a balloon up under water?
A- Yeah, but you better get it done in one try.
14. Why is it called a 'building' when it is already built?
A- the "ding" is short for "ding-dong", which refers to the doorbell, which is the final touch- thus, a "building" is always finished.
15. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it?
A- only the commercials- they cut through anything. That's why they're always louder than the show.
16. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
A- Your proctologist no longer needs his flashlight.
17. Why is it called a TV set when there’s only one?
A- because it just sets there, therefore you don't become anxious that it might get up and walk away.
18. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
A- So Little Al can drag race when he's not at the office.
19. Why are ‘apart’ments stuck together?
A-Because the "ment" is short for "mentally", ie you have to imagine you're apart.
20. Who teaches spiders which leg to put forward first, when they start walking?
A- I'm guessing Spider-Man, since the last I saw, Peter Parker was a jr-high teacher.
21.Why is inspiration momentary, while depression is more permanent?
A- Inspiration is like candy, which you gulp down as soon as the paper is removed and the fingers are clear. Depression is like gum; You chew on it long after the need to is gone.
OMGosh CWM you crack me up! Thanks for the much needed laugh.. I will have more caps for you soon.
CWM:
That...IS...Brilliant!!!
Well done.
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