Thoughts

1.   I just noticed something worse than a cold toilet seat,  a warm one.
2.   If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
3.   Hey Subway, just make everything 5 dollars forever and shut the hell up
4.    My apologies, I am now just blatantly wasting your time by typing absolute drivel.
5.   I want a GPS unit with Stephen Hawking's voice.
6.   I thought that by 2013 we would have flying cars. Instead we have pocket catheters and Honey Boo Boo.
7.   Honey Boo Boo’s mother has a boyfriend and I'm single...Just let that sink in for a minute.
8.   It just occurred to me that I have never actually seen anyone lick their lips in anticipation of a good meal.
9.   I love the Clorox bleach commercial where the kid says "Mommy, I went poo poo" and pooped in the tub. We need more commercials like that.
10.   "Just because it stretches...doesn't mean it fits" should be on the label of everything spandex.

A couple things I am sick of hearing.

1.  Was Beyonce lip syncing?  Who the heck cares.
2. The flu shot debate... I get one each year and don't really care if you do or not, it is all up to you.
3.  How cold it is.. you know what, it is winter.. deal with it.
4.  Lance Armstrong.. he is a liar and a cheat. the end.
5.  Manti Ta'o  was his girlfriend real or fake, who was it. was he a victim, is he gay? Again who cares.
6.  The Subway sandwich debacle ..  really who has time to worry about such trivial crap?
Ahhhh I feel better now.

Brrrr

Green means Go A Public Service Message

Okay, you're in the left turn lane at a traffic light and though the signal has a green turning arrow, it's not lit. However, the green circle is lit, and the adjacent traffic heading your same direction is flowing through it. The question is, do you pull into the intersection on that green light? Or do you hang back, pretend no one can see you pick your nose, and wait for the green arrow to appear -- even if it's not going to show it's cute little pointy self until it cycles through the pretty amber and red lights, and the cross traffic gets to take its turn? Hmm? Do you stay or do you go? Hmm? HMMM?You GO!! When a gap appears in the oncoming traffic, and you can make that turn safely, hit the gas! Seriously. It's legal! Do not wait for me to lay on my horn because we both could have gone through the light were it not for your remedial driving skills!
Sorry. I can't tell you how many times I have idled behind people who either don't realize they can go left on a green without the arrow (Hello-o-o, green means GO!) or they're too timid to freakin' drive their car the way the law says they can – and should.
I have been driving since I was 15. That means I've been behind the wheel for, um, a really long time. (Wowee, was there even sliced bread back then?) Way back in 1960 and for most of the last 50+ years, we did not have green sissy arrows for making left-hand turns at traffic lights. If you didn't scoot into the intersection and grab your opportunity when it was clear, you never got through an intersection. You think I'm crabby about this? Imagine a bitchin' hopped-up '55 Plymouth on your ass, pushing you through, bumper to bumper. Since the law used to allow for two vehicles to make the left turn, you had to be alert and quick (no time for picking your nose) to breeze through before cross traffic started to move. Those were the days.
Here's the second most important point:  if there is no space or time in the oncoming traffic to make your turn, you are supposed to wait for the light to change to amber (or even red, my dear) for the oncoming traffic to stop before you proceed. I know you won't believe this, but really, it's okay. This is just how it's done. You're not doing anything wrong by being in the intersection under an amber or red light till you can safely make the turn. Capiche?
And one more thing? When it's okay to go, GET OUT OF THE INTERSECTION!
Listen, this is not about being in a big rush to get nowhere fast. Nobody's asking you to take chances with your life. And maybe in your state, there are little green arrows everywhere, but not in indiana. Not yet. So we have to do it the old-fashioned way

5 on Friday

1. What is something that you used to believe, but are glad you don't believe anymore? That being "normal" (fitting all social expectations) is important, and that there is one mold you have to fit in order to be a valid person, instead of being true to yourself. I still fight with this concept every now and then.
 
2. Is there something you wish you still believed? I'd have to go all the way back to childhood and thinking that all adults were out to help and protect you, which is kind of a dangerously warm-n-fuzzy mindset anyway. (Apparently back in those days they weren't as hysterical about stranger danger. Any excuse would convince me that they knew better than I did and I could trust them, because Grownups Don't Lie.) And Santa Claus. I still get that sense of anticipation during the holidays. 

3. What experience or person taught you the most about life? My botched, unhealthy, messed-up, unpleasant marriages. Because it was SO far out of my usual experience, I was forced into confronting things I had never thought about. Trial by fire, in other words. Although it was not a good situation, the post-situation dissection has taught me a lot.
 
4. What area of life would you like to know or understand more about? People in general. Socializing, not so much the mind games but understanding how to communicate. Also how to be more sure of my own opinions, not letting other people's BS shake me so easily.
 
5. What is your most valuable lesson about life so far? Something good will come out of any bad situation. I guess that's one way of saying there's a silver lining in every cloud. I can think of some very positive outcomes that arose out of my worst experiences in life, like the failure of my  marriages.

The Bath Tub Test

During a visit to a mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,? said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” I said. “ A normal person would use the bucket because it is larger than the spoon or the teacup.”
“No.” said the director, “ A normal person would just pull the plug. Do you want a bed by the window?”

So what did you pick?

As seen On TV

Now I consider myself pretty knowledgeable about tech gadgets. And I like to keep on top of things and learn new things. But an ear wax vac??? Really??
In case you are not the TV watcher that I am, I am referring to the new “wax vac” commercial on TV. It asks, “why use soft cotton swabs to clean your ears when you can simply use this small power vacuum?”
I guess the soft cotton swabs we have all used for years and years is really a dangerous weapon.  Instead of the very dangerous cotton swab we should instead be using this handy dandy little electric vacuum in our ear canal. We can just suck the wax out.. so much easier and safer to poke in your ear. And it is so 21st century.
So if it is not safe to poke this soft swab that you can control into your ear, how can an electric device be safer?
According to TV it is a gentle suction, but I wonder how gentle it could be if it is to suck the wax buildup out of your ear. And you can get bogo free.  Just pay extra shipping and handling fees.  One for each ear. How techie.
Personally I think it is just one more conspiracy to get us to spend money on yet one more thing we don’t need. 

Snow Angel 2013