Wednesday, September 30, 2009

STAY HOME if You are sick!!!


So in case you have not figured this out about me. I have a compromised immune system; I have COPD and take great care to keep as healthy as possible... So when I went out shopping last week I got a little upset.

I stopped in at a local store to pick up a few small items. These items were of course located at the very back of the little store. On my way back there I heard someone coughing. You know the kind. Hacking up a lung cough. It made me wonder what the hell she is doing at work why she isn’t home in bed. Why the heck is she working? And has she touched all these items that I wish to purchase?

And now they are all contaminated with who knows what germs. Then she coughed again, a deep chest cough, you know the ones I am talking about. I really need that item and I started thinking... “What is wrong with me?? I am being so paranoid?”

I think well she could not have touched every inch of this so I picked it up quickly and then used my hand sanitizer. Then there she goes again... I can visualize angry, hungry germs flying thru the air looking for a host, a body to cling to and victim whose nose was inviting to a swarm of germs. I am so pathetic.

So I found something else on my list and damn, it is not priced. Over to the coughing lady I go .. I asked her if she knew how much it was and she motioned for me to hand it to her. Opening up for even more germs. She looked it over and handed it back and told me to take it to the cashier to get it scanned for a price check. I go thru the rest of the store and find some bargains and for a moment, I am not thinking of all the germs lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce on me like a vampire, when I hear another person coughing. Oh great, the woman stocking is up at the cashier counter--just my freakin luck. BUT Nooooooooooooooo.... it is not her. It is another employee happily chatting and coughing while she's scanning a woman's purchases who appears to be totally unaffected by the non-stop coughing. I'm trapped with coughing, hacking people in surround sound. Suddenly I have claustrophobia, too, and it's all I can do to keep from running out the door. It's now my turn. Every item in my cart has to be turned over to her to touch. At this point I have to point out to her that she has a nasty cough. Why? I suppose to scold her just a little, and to make myself feel a little better. But it was also a subtle way of telling her to "GO HOME if you're sick! Don't you know you are spreading your disease to all of us out here in shopping Land????" It was raining when I left the store, and I suppose it washed away some of my anxiety--soothed my wrinkled forehead still frowning in disgust. I know, I know. People have to work, and they may not be able to afford missing a day of work. BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT!!!!! People need to understand some of us out here do not like volunteering to roll in a Petri dish of potential Swine Flu!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Life is Short

Life is short.

Love.
Experience.
Give.
Receive.
Cherish.
Make a difference.
Stop to appreciate the little things.

May we all lead long and interesting lives, full of happiness and good things.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Saturday, September 26, 2009

NRA

First let me say, I am a proud member of the NRA. From time to time I get emails about special offers that are FOR MEMBERS ONLY. But the one I got today is a bit worrisome to me. It is from the NRA WINE CLUB. Yep you read it correctly a wine club. Now that just doesn’t feel right to me. We can’t have drinking and driving in this country but we can have drinking and shooting?? I close my eyes and see Dick Chaney. In a beautifully worded email they urge me to join this wonderful club and I will receive hand selected bottles of wine every 3 months. It says and I quote “You simply can’t make a bad decision”.

Let's see if we can break this down a bit further.....Hmmmmm.

Wine: Merlot Recommended Food: Rib Eye Steak Weapon: Winchester 30-06 "Allow it to breath......the wine that is."

Wine: Chardonnay Recommended Food: Fish or anything found alive in the water. Weapon: 410 gauge # 6 shot on a bang stick.

Wine: Cabernet Recommended Food: All Fruits (Stop laughing) and Berries, etc. Weapon: Broom stick and butterfly net.

Wine: Sauvignon Blanc Recommended Food: See above suggestions......add squash. Weapon: What's left of the broom....forget the net.

Wine: Chardonnay Recommended Food: Wee Troutie type Fish and those Fruit Thingies Weapon: 410 #4 on bang stick or Nike Zoom Kobe IV's (to chase down the more elusive Fruits.)

All said and done, it should be an interesting outing and certainly, one to be hopefully remembered the next day.

Good Hunting! (Note: All efforts at political correctness have been removed from this missive.)

The six dollar a bottle selection includes “ a wine for every mood, every season, every entrĂ©e.” Supporting Second Amendment Rights signed by Martin Stewart, Jr. founder. I am wondering do you think Martha is behind all this? .. NRA Wine Club

Friday, September 25, 2009

Bad Habits

I have a number of exquisitely complex bad habits. You can have them for free; I don't want them any more.

These habits were perfectly useable and functional for many years, but as I've gotten older, are no longer working. Perhaps they would fit in your life.

You can have the following habits, among others, at no charge:

--suspicious nature
--defensive response to accusations
--lack of a willingness to commit
--messiness
--lack of organization
--cursing
--anger
--leaving dishes in the sink for days
--self hatred and low self-esteem

Please take all these bad habits . I need to clean out my head space, and all of this is going to the trash on Monday if no one else claims them.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Rattling around in My Head Today

1. I sometimes take myself too seriously, except when I’m making light of myself. (OK, that doesn't count. Too evasive. How about this: I've been called aloof, a term that surprised me when I heard it, though I admit I do occasionally hide behind that persona...)

2. I love South Carolina and Georgia; the mountains, and the Ocean. On the other hand I love my small town.

3. Dogs are cute but I kind of feel sorry for them. Cats, on the other hand, are to be obeyed.

4. I like politics and current events, but I take long breaks from it as I find it stressful and a little depressing.

5. If I have a chance to come back as an animal, I choose the pig. They love playing in mud, don't care if they're fat and know how to kick it hard with a smile on their face.

6. My gray hairs are becoming more noticeable. So much for the grays hiding out.

7. The times when I'm less stressed is when there are only the sounds of nature as background music.

8. I think Red lipstick is just wrong.

9. Finding a hair in my food freaks me out.

10.Sometimes I am the biggest hypocrite I know.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Learning Kid

I have always told my granddaughter she is the learning kid. Every parent has a learning kid and my oldest son was my unfortunate one, the one I learned on the one who had to survive all my mistakes that I made in my journey thru Motherhood. He was the first to meet each new challenge, he was the unfortunate one. *Sigh* by the time my baby made it to the same point I had it all figured out. Not so for the oldest He was my prototype. I was young and scared and had no idea what to do. He cried a lot and I did too. He cried all the time. He did not sleep. He would cry all night long. Then sleep all day. I was all stressed out thinking I was doing something wrong that I was not meeting his needs, but he was the only kid and all I did was tend to his needs. When he was older he started crawling and walking and the crying stopped. It was almost like he didn’t like being a baby. He challenged me, he tried my patience, he fought me and he got on my nerves. But he impressed me and amazed me and some how grew up to be a fantastic person, an adventurer and an upstanding citizen of the world.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Noise Pollution

I understand that you feel the need to compensate for the inadequate size of your appendage with a straight-pipe, tuned-for-extra-noise rolling temper tantrum. And, fer sure, the rest of us lowly civilians with an unnatural need to sleep at 3:00 in the FREAKING morning are in utter and complete awe of your noise generating capabilities. Clearly you are, by a long shot, the loudest and most impressive monkey in the jungle.

I am among the folks who wonder why your personal enjoyment should be more important than the need for reasonable calm of EVERYBODY ELSE in a four block radius.

Nope, the only reason why you have tweaked your bike to emit on average 130-150 decibels while idling is that you want to draw attention to your pathetic, insecure, socially retarded self. Me, me, me! Pay attention to ME! I am loud! Yeah! I am really LOUD!

My suggestion to remedy the situation:
All operators of boom cars or insanely loud motorcycles are to be taken into custody immediately and subjected to a 72-hour sleep-deprivation treatment (just so you can get a taste of the lovely effect you are having on entire neighborhoods and the occasional baby, sick person, shift worker, et al.)
On each subsequent violation, the sleep-deprivation treatment is extended by an additional 24 hours. This guarantees that individuals re-offend for a maximum of 3-4 times before the penalty either drives them insane or kills them.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Things that are annoying me today.

  1. Women who wear jewelry that clinks and clacks and makes noise when they move
  2. Whenever anyone says "Ya, know what I'm sayin"...
  3. People who are mean to animals
  4. People with bad table manners.
  5. When people don't send thank you notes.
  6. People who don't cover their mouth while sneezing or coughing.
  7. The creepers at red lights. You know, those people that start inching forward in their cars slowly until the light turns green.
  8. Women who wear too much perfume. And men who are heavy on the after shave. If I can smell you coming before I see you. You have too much on!
  9. You know when you ask someone a simple, straightforward question and they spend ten solid minutes rambling on about everything in the world EXCEPT the answer to your simple, straightforward question? I hate that.
  10. When you can't tell if someone is male or female. And you know exactly what I mean here.

Friday, September 18, 2009

It's War!

I have a serious serious serious mouse infestation. I saw a herd (correct terminology? – a posse maybe?) Of mice cross my living room last night. So I went out and bought two different kinds of mouse traps.
Well it turns out I have smart mice, that know how to remove peanut butter from a mouse trap without dying. I think they laughed at the traps I put out. They are not afraid of me. I have established their primary gateway into my world is a tiny crack under my kitchen sink. The mouse traps have been repositioned appropriately. Yet I have no dead mice. They laugh at my meager attempts to stop their inevitable takeover. These are smart little bastards. So now I feel that poison will take care of this infestation, however I feel the situation is a little more drastic. I mean do you like going to sleep listening to mice and waking up seeing mice?? I am only eating canned food until I fix this problem. Seriously I bet these guys eat poison for snacks. So maybe I need to borrow/baby-sit/beg/steal a cat. I prefer a bad a$$ed gangsta cat that likes the taste of mouse. The only problem with cats is that they are show offs! They not only will catch the mouse, but will bring it to you or your sleeping body and deposit it where it can't be missed. Usually in your lap. Or, as I have heard from a friend who is the faithful subject to a couple of cats, place it, still alive under your pillow! Now, you must admit that, while it speaks well of showmanship and a certain flair for the dramatic, and points out the feline's prowess as a hunter, it is a bit excessive. And can cause sudden cardiac arrest. Also, you never know with a cat whether or not they come bringing gifts or threats? Maybe a second opinion is required. Maybe even an exterminator
.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Stuff in my head Today

  1. I'm extremely claustrophobic!!
  2. I've been hurt alot in life ...because of that I tend to be very
    cautious of everyone
  3. I tend to over analyze things
  4. I have a very crafty side...I just seemed to of lost it in the last few years...I kinda want it back!
  5. I read an article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying and driving too fast.. That is my idea of a perfect day.
  6. If you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. March down there and turn it on yourself
  7. I hate it when people sit next to me in the movie theater when there are other seats available.
  8. When I bite into a jelly bean and it's a different flavor than what I thought it was.
  9. Jerks who take up 2 parking spaces.
  10. When someone with a full cart of groceries gets into the 10 items or less line.
  11. The "yes but" people.
People who always have to be right and have the last word

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

RIP Patrick Swayze



Patrick Swayze died Monday after a long battle with cancer. He was 57.

Swayze was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in January 2008. His publicist says he died with his family at his side.

He was the star of such movies as "Ghost," "Dirty Dancing," and "Road House." And the mini series “North and South”

Swayze was named People's Sexiest Man Alive in 1991.

For me he will be forever Johnny Castle.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I was wondering...........

  1. Have you ever seen a "pretty little thing" with a poor old man?
  2. Exactly how much is too much coffee?
  3. When wine tasting, always swirl the wine around and sniff and then swirl again. It makes it seem like you know what you're doing when you really don't.
  4. Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
  5. I'm now convinced that the IRS should be known as the Internal Rectal System. Seriously!!!
  6. If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, you have a problem
  7. Why some days I feel like a freakin ray of sunshine.
  8. For my peace of mind I should change all my passwords.
  9. Why I can’t pull off a really good practical joke.
  10. Why my favorite color changes from hour to hour, but red and pink always rank right up there at the top.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Hoarders

When it comes to hoarding, one person's junk is another's treasure. Most of us are attached to things we inherited from our parents or grandparents, or we're attached to photographs or special items that we've bought but people with hoarding problems often become emotionally attached to items that strike the rest of us as junk, or to pieces of paper that aren't particularly interesting.

Compulsive hoarding is a mental disorder marked by an obsessive need to acquire and keep things even if the items are worthless, hazardous or unsanitary.

Hoarders may become anxious and angry at the mere suggestion of getting rid of items that they've held onto for years. They often say that if they throw something away, they may need it someday when it will be impossible to retrieve. So they collect scraps of paper with shopping lists from years ago. They may hold on to old clothing, extra furniture, used envelopes, clothing price tags, soda cans, string, leaves, even cigarette ashes, burned-out light bulbs, used tea bags, and toilet paper cores. One woman saved wishbones from chickens because "one day they will be used for making wishes." Another collected clothes that weren't her size because she "might run into someone who needs them someday." When confronted with their behavior, hoarders claim that it isn't a problem at all. At the same time, they are often embarrassed to have visitors to their home. Most experts report that hoarding doesn't seem to play favorites with rich or poor, young or old, although the middle-aged and the elderly have had more years to squirrel away the stuff that might drive others crazy. There are no good statistics on the number of hoarders, although some estimates have put the number at up to 3 to 6 million people. These people are often single, but among those who are married, divorces often occur when a spouse simply can't live in such chaos. The treatment of hoarding can be challenging since it means changing behaviors that may almost be lifelong. Some hoarders are simply too embarrassed to seek help. Others panic when contemplating discarding their "treasures."

I have a hoarder in my family. A few years ago she had a “spell” and called another family member. Who in turn called 911. When the EMT’s arrived they could not get a gurney into her.. She had to be put on a chair and carried out the door to the gurney. She was put in the hospital and when she was dismissed she was taken to the home of a family member. From there she was placed in a senior Apartment Complex. She is miserable and she does not hesitate to tell you. But her home was a dangerous place for any living thing. She had collected stacks of foam meat trays. Tons of expired canned food. Paper sacks.. You get the idea. Along with all this clutter and filth were dead mice and who knows what all will be found when it is finally cleaned up. She lived in a 4 bedroom 2 story house with an attic. I had not been to her home in over 25 years. She isolated herself from me and in turn it was painful for me to visit her.

But a word to the wise? Don't settle down alone (or even with a loved one) to watch an episode of "Hoarders" on A & E TV while eating dinner. It's rather sickening to watch 37+ diseased and dead cats be removed from a garage piled with garbage while eating a bowl of homemade soup and cornbread. Perhaps this goes without saying for some of you, but I learned it the hard way.

Hoarders is on A&E at 10 pm on Monday nights.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Old




When I got up this morning I felt pretty good and then I got this in my email.

Holy Crap am I really that old???














Friday, September 11, 2009

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Lights Out!!!!

So about it’s about 9 pm and I was all snuggled in Sparky watching some TV and then it happened. All at once every light, Every TV...every appliance, video game, radio, microwave, clock, my oxygen concentrator, every single electrical anything went out in our whole town!!!! My cell cordless phone wouldn't even work That is such an eerie feeling having your whole town dark....no street lights, no store lights, just other peoples headlights in a town full of darkness. It’s always crazy how when things like this happen you can never find your flashlights...I had one that could be found so I used it to hunt down some candles and give me some sort of light. Still don’t know what happened. but did hear the electricity kick on about 11:30 and then go back off 2 minutes later. Then about 4:30 this morning it was back on again and so far it’s stayed on. What was weird was to sit and think about how much we depend on electricity in our life. How we feel lost if we can’t turn on the TV, or warm something in the microwave. How strange it is to try to go to the bathroom and get ready for bed with only candle light. And yet our ancestors did it that way every day and night. It was strange how suddenly being in the dark made you feel a little scared, because you didn’t know what was happening because in this day and age you cant help but to ask yourself. Have we been attacked by terrorists???? Are we being invaded???? Has someone come and taken all our power away??? Is some one going to come jumping out of the dark???? But I’m glad to say I made it thru....and today is just another day...I was able to turn on the TV this morning, make some toast, and start my laundry. No one was attacking us, and no one came and took all our electricity away. It was just one of those crazy things that happened and thru it all you couldn’t help but to think back to how life use to be and also have those little thoughts run thru your head asking yourself....WHAT IF?????

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

?

1. Will I ever feel my hipbones again?

2. Why is it that I wouldn't want to be any other age?

3. Where did my metabolism go?

4. When did wine become an instant sedative?

5. How could I drive all the way home with my reading glasses on?

6. How high do reading glasses go?

7. When did my belly fat get its own pulse?

8. When did buying a new bra get so exciting?

9. When did I amass this collection of ointments?

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

How many kids are too many?


How many kids are too many and do we have the right to tell someone they have too many kids?

I am a big fan of the Duggars. They live in Arkansas and have 18 children, and are expecting their 19th later this year. They will also become first time grandparents next month when oldest son Josh and his wife Anna have their first child a baby girl. They seem like a very happy family. From what I have seen they all seem to be very happy children who love their parents and their siblings very much. None of them seem resentful towards their parents for the choices they have made. Yes the older children look after the younger one, and yes they have chores, and yes they are all home schooled, and yes they all know the meaning of responsibility. Now granted TV sometimes only shows the happy side of life. I still feel like they are a very happy family. Also, the adult Duggar’s take very good care of their family monetarily and are living debt free. (They own several commercial rental properties) I feel like as long as everyone is taken care of, they are not digging a hole of debt into the ground, and they aren't living off of the government then there is really no problem with it. I personally would not want to have 19 children but it is a free country. Watching their show 19 kids and counting is inspirational. I do not know how Michelle manages it all.

Since you know how I feel about the Duggar’s I am sure you can guess what I think about the Octomom. Octomom was photographed getting her nails done shortly after giving birth to her octuplets. She seems completely “me me me” But the Duggar’s are all about family in their house is more like “we we we” She has 14 kids she can’t pay for. Outrageous! How could a woman on welfare be so irresponsible? She obviously does not have the means to take care of all of those children and she knowingly and willingly chose to have them. She even had in vitro. I watched the Octomom documentary and it was like watching a train wreck. She has no idea what she is doing and the kids are the ones who will suffer. So do I feel like one can have too many children? Yes. Do I think the Duggar’s have too many children? No.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Monday List

1. This question always runs through my head and I'd love to ask this to someone who knows, "What does "dead" feel like? Does it hurt? Do you feel a sense of relief or utter fear of what comes next? Is it like being on a roller coaster and you’re going up a steep slope and not knowing when you'll be rushing down again?

2. I am never bored. I think bored people are boring.

3. I was a good girl when I was growing up. I never broke rules or curfews. I feared the wrath of mom.

4. Sometimes when I'm in a stressful situation, like a funeral, I get the giggles over something funny that crosses my mind.

5. I've been mispronouncing the word "salmonella" all these years. (It isn't samo but salmo).

6. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Living in the moment creates more of a sense of contentment than looking far ahead.

7. Aging isn’t scary to me. But growing old is.

8. I don't recycle the few bottles and cans I manage to bring in to my house. In a word-----disposable diapers.

9. I don’t think I am an easy person to live with.

10. The world is full of people who live their whole lives and not actually live one day. I don’t want to be one of them.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Just a Thought


I assume that many of you have our Flag displayed either in or

outside of your home. But how many of you walk past it every morning and salute it,

thank God for it, or even think of the American blood that was shed for that flag?
Do that for me tomorrow, will you?
The first man that died for our Country and the last man killed in Afghanistan or Iraq deserve that much.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Good Guys drive Red Trucks

In the early days of television it was easy to tell the good guys from the bad guys--the good guys always rode white horses and wore white hats! And there was something else. The bad guys always lost. Always! That was the law. Evil never was shown to come out ahead. "Crime doesn't pay!" was the lesson America wanted ingrained into its upcoming generation. Real life isn't quite as clear-cut. In real life the good guys don't always win and ride off into the sunset singing a happy song. Some times the bad guys win. This is one of those times. The bad guys who wrote the "pc antispyware2010" virus that hit my computer won. Well, mostly they won. Actually, the main goal of the virus program is to extort money from the unwitting smuck who downloads it. At least I didn't send them any money to 'buy the program' to clean my computer. All it has cost me is a nervous breakdown, lost sleep, all my fingernails and a new tool with which to beat myself over the head with. After trying everything, Dan is going to reformat my computer. Doing this will remove all programs that I had paid for and downloaded. But I was the dumb one who clicked on the pop up.. Please be careful there are people who are out to take over your computer and ruin it. I am lucky enough to be able to borrow computers, which has allowed me to be online enough to check my mail and monitor my ebay sales, and post lame jokes on here. I hope you all have a safe and fun Labor Day weekend and may all of your double clicks be clean ones. OMG!OMG!OMG! Dan fixed it! He figured it out and fixed it! Good guys do win! If any of you need a good and I stress GOOD computer man contact me. Thanks Dan.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Cash for Codgers A New Government Program

Another of my lame jokes.. Dan is still working hard on my computer. This virus is a bad one. I hope no one is offended at these, I think most of my readers are aware of my sick sense of humor and my conservative stance. And besides this is funny!

Democrats, realizing the success of the President's "Cash For Clunkers" rebate program, have revamped a major portion of their National Health Care Plan. President Obama, Speaker Pelosi, and Sen. Reid are expected to make this major announcement a a joint news conference later this week. I have obtained an advanced copy of the proposal which is named....

"CASH FOR CODGERS" and it works like this... Couples wishing to access health care funds in order to pay for the delivery of a child will be required to turn in one old person. The amount the government allocates will be fixed according to a sliding scale. Older and more prescription dependent codgers will garner the highest amounts.

Special "Bonuses" will be paid for those submitting codgers in targeted groups, such as smokers, alcohol drinkers, persons 10 pounds over their government prescribed weight, and any member of the Republican Party.

Smaller bonuses will be given for codgers who consume beef, soda, fried foods, potato chips, lattes, whole milk, dairy products, bacon, Brussels sprouts, or Girl Scout Cookies. All codgers will be rendered totally useless via toxic injection. This will insure that they are not secretly resold or their body parts harvested to keep other codgers in repair.

Remember you heard it here first!


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Caution

So my computer has a bad virus still. I am not sure when I will have it back. It is in Dan's good and capable hands. I am convinced there is a special place in hell for the people who wrote the Virus. Until then I will post some of my favorite jokes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal.

It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'
The next day someone stole it!

***They walk amongst us!***

------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------

*
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted....'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'

***They walk among us!!***

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff'

***They Walk Among Us!!***

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My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.

***They Walk Among Us!!!!***

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.... She keeps it in the trunk.

***They Walk Among Us!!!!!***

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I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?' I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...

***They Walk Among Us!!!!!!! ***

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

***They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!***
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

***Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!

Sadly, not only do they walk among us, they also
REPRODUCE!!!!



Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Doctors and the Health Care Plan


I got this from my brother and I just had to share it. I am sorry if any one gets offended.
But I thought it was so funny.


The American Medical Association has weighed in on the new health care plan being developed by the Obama Team:

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, grow up!'

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pi$$ed off at the whole idea.

The Anesthesiologists thought the idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.


In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the A$$holes in Washington.