Sometimes I wonder how much of the "me" that existed back in the 1950s and 60s still exists. Have I really changed much over the past fifty-plus years? Or am I basically the same person?
Certainly, many of the things I enjoyed back then mean nothing to me now. Can't think of one quickly, because it seems to much of what was important to me then is still important to me now. New things have come into my life, to be sure. But that's just part of growing and I'm not sure my discoveries actually changed me.
So many of my years have been spent trying to be "what I'm supposed to be", instead of what I wanted to be. I tried to guess the ideas of other people and conform myself to them. I never really did that well and spent those years very uncomfortable.
My discomfort now, I think, is that I am tossing all that aside, and I'm trying to just be me - and I'm not used to it. The ideals of others don't always fit me. There are attitudes and philosophies I used to adhere to, but now am abandoning. Is it because I have changed who I am, or because I'm simply no longer pretending to be someone I am not?
3 comments:
I'm going to say the latter, because I've sensed the good in you from the start. I think we bury our core person in crap trying to find a way to please the universe, and finally we get tired of being smothered and dig our way out. If we're fortunate we find the sunshine.
Thanks Chris.
MsN:
I've been asking the same of myself over the last decade (must be the with age comes wisdom thing?).
In some respect, I think I've a good idea that some of that person from my youth is alive and well.
Yet, there are times that I wonder WHAT I'm supposed to be, rather than WHO am I supposed to be.
Maybe it's not so much the profession or job, or career.
It is who we are "INSIDE".
I think that does help somewhat, because who we are (or become) often defines our actions and the responses from others.
Good post...lots to think about.
Stay safe down there.
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