Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rear view mirror while I'm driving.
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road. My life is a joke.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name.
Maybe if we all email the U.S. Constitution to each other the NSA will read it.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don't show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid's vomit.
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, it’s that it’s okay to lie about your age.
If you don't put your leftovers in Tupperware for at least two weeks before throwing them in the trash, you're doing it wrong.
1 comment:
-Probably for the spider, too.
-Mine too- I worked at Arden Corp.!
-If it's like mine, it had a hole in it anyhow.
-I hear "Hootchie-glue" was one.
-Or the Benin Republic.
-Left out the word "depraved".
-Why bother? Somewhere in between my mental age and my "how I feel" age is the real thing anyway.
-There's no other way to dispose of Tupperware.
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