Trash TV

In my hunt for the most mind numbing, cotton candy entertainment of the week, I flip through the channels quite a bit. Guess what I found, people? A new TV obsession: RuPaul's Drag Race. Oh yeah, THAT RuPaul.
It follows a competition between 9 fabulous drag queens to be the next superstar drag queen. Let me tell you, some of those “ladies” are very pretty. They are clearly professionals. They have baby soft skin, great bodies and have some fierce makeup skills. I have questions though, where do they put their .. er ..ahem.. um.. parts?? Anyone know?
Now they have a new show, Drag U, where nerdy every day girls are made up by drag queens and lip synch RuPaul songs. What next?

I'm glad

1. I'm glad that I have learned to ask for help when I need it instead of being ashamed that I can’t do everything myself.
2. I'm glad that I taught myself to cook...and do it well!
3. I'm glad I redecorated my home in thrifty chic because every day it makes me happy!
4. I'm glad that I am not anal retentive and research everything before making decisions because I like to be spontaneous and make mistakes so I can learn.
5. I’m glad I have met some great bloggy friends.
6. I’m glad I have this comfortable lifestyle and I'm grateful for all of my material possessions.
7. I’m glad for my home. Although it has its cracks & flaws
8. I’m glad I have learned some life lessons through painful situations. Ah the storms I have been through. But they've all helped me to become a better person.
9. 
   

Random thoughts about Charlie Sheen

I'm sure there is a rational explanation for all of this, and Teflon Charlie will be vindicated once more. And then, given another raise.

I happen to think Two and a Half men is HILARIOUS.
Granted it was much funnier in the earlier seasons and I have also been told I have 12 year old boy sense of humor. But I get it...it makes me laugh.

It sure would be nice to just press fast-forward on this tool's life story and get to the good part. You know, the part when it all ends in a tragically embarrassing blaze of glory involving hookers, drugs, minors and Polaroid's.

He acts this way AND gets paid millions with no repercussions

This guy is out of control and doesn't seem to care who he takes with him.

He acts like he's above everything and he actually is. What makes him so special? Really, I would kind of understand if he was a superstar. As it is, he's just a messed-up overpaid TV actor.

How is it that there is no sex tape out there starring him and his many STD’s?

And last but not least, maybe he was simply fighting off bed bugs when he trashed that hotel room?

TENJOOBERRYMUDS

This is too funny .... Sad, because it is TRUE ...
By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND "TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...
In order to continue getting by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".
With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.
Now, here goes...

The following is a telephone exchange between perhaps you as a hotel guest and a phone call to room-service somewhere in the good old USA today.......
Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees....morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"
Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."
Room Service: "Ow July den?"
Guest: ".....What??"
Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... Pryed, boyud, poochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"
Guest:20"Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"
Guest: "I.... Don't think so."
RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toe s' means."
RoomService: "Toes! Toes!....Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, and English muffin will be fine."
RoomService: "We bodder?"
Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."
RoomService: "Wad?!?"
Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side."
RoomService: "Copy?"
Guest: "Excuse me?"
RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."
RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... Rye??"
Guest: "Whatever you say."
RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds."
Guest: "You're welcome"

Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' "......and you do, don't you!

And you thought you didn't speak a foreign language!!

(from an email)

Great Quotes:

"Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking."--Dave Barry

" There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result."---Winston Churchill

" I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste." --David Bissonette

" When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick." -- George Burns

" I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming." -- Jimmy Carter

" When I read about the evils of drinking. I gave up reading." Henny Youngman

" You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." -- Bob Hope

"The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it." -- Anne Bancroft

" The best way to get your wife to do something ------ Beats the crap out of me" Joe

" Never judge a book by its movie." -- J.W. Eagan

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow

"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet." --Oliver Herford

" When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football." -- Cornwall Koontz

"All the world is a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed." -- Sean O'Casey

" I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." -- Mark Twain

" A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car ; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad." -- Theodore Roosevelt

RIP

The Sony Walkman is officially dead.

Sony has decided to end production and sales of their Walkman portable cassette players after more than 30 years on the market.

The final batch was produced in Japan this year and as soon as they're sold, there will be no more.

Since 1979, over 200 million Walkman cassette players have been sold.

Sony plans to continue making and selling their CD and MiniDisc-based Walkmans.

The passing of the Walkman is indeed an end of an era.

Morgan

Morgan and Becca

Morgan did not want to go home. That's my story and I'm stickin to it.

Words Fail Me

I want to play with these women

I am Thrifty

I like clipping coupons. I am a bargain shopper. There are tons of websites and blogs devoted to coupons and deals but the problem is that most of the deals only apply in certain regions. There are a few stores in this area that offer double coupons! (I shop Owens in Huntington) Since we are all friends here I thought I would share a little secret: the P&G Saver. The P&G Saver is a monthly newspaper insert in the first Sunday of the month. If that Sunday is a holiday weekend, then it is the following weekend.
Not impressed, yet? Think about all the P&G products in your house: Tide, Colgate, Cascade, Gillette, Tide, Head and shoulders, Charmin, Oil of Olay, Bounty, Febreze, Folgers, Crest, Iams, Pringles...the list goes on and on. You're probably surrounded by P&G stuff.
Here's the plan: buy the newpaper or steal it from your neighbor on Sunday morning. The P&G saver is its own little booklet in the section with the other coupons. You'll be surprised how much money you'll save on stuff you buy all the time. Add that to your savings from your Kroger Plus card and it is unreal how much cash you save. And now you can go to Kroger.com and load even more coupons on to your card.

You can thank me later.

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown apart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your
count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The
other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Thanks Joe!

Pet Peeves

1. Waiting on a repairman to show up. Why do they give you a time anyhow?

2. Hidden fees on my dish network bill. They gave me 3 months free HBO and then charged me $5 when I canceled it.

3. Door to door salesmen.

4. Calling somewhere and being placed on hold for freakin ever.

5. Products that are getting smaller and smaller yet the price stays the same.

6. Telemarketers especially Rachel from card holder services. And yes I am on the no call list.

7. People who poke you to get your attention.

8. People who crack their gum.

9. Car alarms

10. Having to get up to pee in the middle of the night.

Bad Movies :

In no particular order, here are my least favorite movies of all time:

1. All about Steve---love Sandra Bullock but this is horrible.

2. Larry the cable guy Health Inspector---this gross-out comedy fails to "git-r-done."

3. Witless Protection---Larry the Cable Guy continues his critical losing streak with this insipid, tasteless caper

4. Howard the Duck---This one, a rotten egg laid by George Lucas is a total misfire.

5. Mommie Dearest--- This movie is the Mount Everest of "so bad it's good."

6. The Hottie and the Nottie—Just make Paris Hilton go away please. Her shameful attempt at acting is pitiful.

The Laws or Ain't That The Friggin' TRUTH?

** Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch & you'll have to pee.
** Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
** Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
** Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers.
** Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
** Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
** Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
** Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
** Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
*** Law of Bio mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
**** Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena -
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last.
They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet & who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over.
The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter end of the performance.
The aisle people also are very surly folk.
*** The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
*** Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
*** Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness & cost of the carpet or rug.
*** Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
*** Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
*** Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
*** Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside & said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook & really good with the kids.'
----------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
-----------------------------------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits.
It had been at least ten years & twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd never get it all in one.'
( He's still in intensive care.)
-----------------------------------
And, my favorite is:
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the preacher & calmly said, 'Well . . . she's there.'

(from an email---- Thanks Joe)

Sunday Sugar:

Morgan Adele 4 months

Over the River:

The wind really took down a lot of the leaves but it is still pretty.

Notice the fisherman on the little island, if you click on the pictures you can see them full sized.

How old is Grandpa???

Stay with this -- the answer is at the end. It will blow you away.
One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events.
The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.
The Grandfather replied, 'Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:
* television
* penicillin
* polio shots
* frozen foods
* Xerox
* contact lenses
* Frisbees and
* the pill
There were no:
*credit cards
* laser beams or
* ball-point pens
Man had not invented:
*panty hose
* air conditioners
* dishwashers
* clothes dryers
* and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and
* man hadn't yet walked on the moon
Your Grandmother and I got married first, . . . and then lived together.
Every family had a father and a mother.
Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, 'Sir'.
And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, 'Sir.'
We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, day-care centers, and group therapy.
Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense..
We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.
Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.
We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.
Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.
Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started.
Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.
We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.
We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios.
And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.
If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk
The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.
Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.
We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.
Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.
And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.
You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . but who could afford one?
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.
In my day:
* 'grass' was mowed,
* 'coke' was a cold drink,
* 'pot' was something your mother cooked in and
* 'rock music' was your grandmother's lullaby.
* 'Aids' were helpers in the Principal's office,
* 'chip' meant a piece of wood,
* 'hardware' was found in a hardware store and
* 'software' wasn't even a word.
And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us 'old and confused' and say there is a generation gap... and how old do you think I am?
I bet you have this old man in mind... you are in for a shock!
Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time..
Are you ready ?????
This man would be only 59 years old.

(from an email)

Random Thoughts:

1. I need to take dream interpretation classes. All night long I dreamed of dirty feet. What does that mean???

2. I've been craving cheesecake...does that mean that I'm deficient in cream cheese??

3. The Hangover is a really funny film

4. Skinny jeans don't actually make people look skinny

5. I’ve been spending way too much time indoors lately.

6. Sometimes the best photos of people are the ones where they never realized they were being photographed.

7. I really can't handle people in my space.

8. A sunny day puts nearly everyone in a good mood.

9. Hash browns should always come with eggs and toast.

10. I didn't know this: “goodbye” is a contraction of “God be with you.”

The hardest thing to do is...

.... to not be cynical when you have all the reasons to be.

….to look for the silver lining in the cloud when all you see is endless stretch of darkness.

….to smile when things go wrong and to say - Yeah S**t happens!

….to try to find the positive side of all negative outcomes.

….to not believe when others try to drive home the point that you are a loser.

Sister Wives

Kody Brown married his 4th wife. Robyn, who has 3 kids from a previous marriage.

If I were the father of those 3 kids by her previous marriage, I'd haul her sorry azz back into court and ask the judge to declare her unfit.

He now has 16 children and 4 wives. For a total of 21 mouths to feed.

You have to question the maturity level (or lack of it) of these women who accept the crap doled out by Kody. What's the matter -- are they afraid they can't run a household by themselves, but need other women to help them? And they are not "wives" since multiple marriage is against the law. What Kody has is one legal wife and three concubines he's collected for his harem. These ultra-strange people have stepped back into the dark ages when women had no rights and were treated as sexual collectibles. Someone should tell them the year is 2010 AD, not 2010 BC. Oh, and just for a laugh, why don't the concubines ask Kody if they can have four "husbands" each, and then they can have as many husbands as he has wives? After all, he believes in equality, doesn't he? Doesn't he?

This is a perfect example of how society's morale values are going to hell.

Keeping Score:

I am ashamed to admit it but I keep score. I never actually realized it before. Score keeping is a dangerous and insidious habit that has crept into my life. I have begun to keep track of every time MY expectations are not met and worse yet I have a tendency to only keep track of the negatives and not the positives. No one ever said that life is fair. But I know if I am keeping score in my daily life, I am going to be unhappy. Especially since all I am keeping score of are the negatives. I'm worried that I will get burned out and probably resentful. Yet, if I let it go I will have regret. I am pretty sure things will balance out in ways that I never would have expected. Life loves a balance.
So, the next time something else doesn't go my way (which it won't) I will try hard not to think about getting even and try harder to keep score of the things that go right as well. I know the less I keep score the happier my journey will be; but I must learn to keep score of both the good and the bad. And I'm not the ultimate Score Keeper anyway.

My Back Yard:

The view from my window. Looking across the
Wabash River toward the south.

Sunday Sugar:

To Do List:

1. Eat things I swear I hate but haven't tried since I was a kid.

2. Pay for the person behind me in the drive-thru.

3. Watch the sun rise.

4. Buy a gift for 3 children for the Christmas Angel program.

5. Put together a memory book.

6. Organize all of my pictures.

7. Organize and shred unnecessary items in file cabinet.

8. Identify 10 things that make me happy.

9. Dye my hair a different color.

10. Create a time capsule to be opened when I die.

Sleep?

I have been having trouble getting to sleep for the past week. I have just flat been too tired to sleep. So, I turned to the source of all knowledge for the cure: the Internet. People, there are some awesome medical advice there just waiting for me to use it.
Here are 3 of my favorite insomnia cures I found and my general reactions:

1. Rub your temple with cat fat. (WTF? Where do you get cat fat? I think killing an innocent kitty would keep me up for different reasons)

2. Eat chicken cooked with milkweed. (Isn't milkweed poisonous? so weird)

3. Smoke a mixture of black tobacco, toad powder, and honey. (My personal favorite)

Given the choice between kitty butchering, putting myself to sleep permanently and smoking something--I choose...(drum roll please).....to take a pill. As a side note, late night infomercials are soooo awesome. Currently, I am watching a fantabulous commercial for the Snuggie. Operators are standing by right now for my call!!

Me Me Me

1. I am way too fond of my robe and slippers.

2. I like raw oysters.

3. A sunny day always puts me in a good mood.

4. I am useless if I don’t get 6 hrs of sleep.

5. I try to find the joy everyday.

6. I believe in Karma.

7. I have great ideas, for many years I feared they may be dorky, so I kept them to myself. I no longer care what anyone thinks.

8. I’m good enough.

9. I’m smart enough.

10. If I won a million dollars I would give most of it away.

Today

Out my back door today:

ABC’s of Me

A - Age: over 21
B - Bed size: King

C - Chore you hate: Cleaning bathrooms
D - Dogs names: no pets
E - Essential start your day item: COFFEEEEEEE
F - Favorite color: pink
G - Gold or Silver: gold
H - Height: 5 ft 7 in
I - Instruments you play: none

J - Job title: retired
K - Kids: 3 that I know of
L - Living arrangements: Historic Home alone

M - Mom's name: Betty
N - Nicknames: Mom, Sis, darlin,

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: yes many times
P - Pet Peeve: I have a few
Q - Quote from a movie: "Nobody puts Baby in the corner"

R - Right or left handed: Right
S - Siblings: 1 sister, 1 brother
T - Time you wake up: no set time.

U - Underwear: clean
V - Vegetable you dislike: hominy
W - What makes you run late: bad air day
X -X-rays you've had: tons of them over my life time.
Y - Yummy food you make: Apple Pie
Z - Zoo animal: Penguins

What I am Thankful For

1. Coffee
2. Technology which gives me the ability to connect with friends and family far away. Do you hear me Greg?
3. My family
4. Fudge brownies
5. Sleep, oh how I love my sleep
6. My HD TV
7. My DVR
8. Today
9. My ability to laugh at my situation
10. Music

Idiots

Number One Idiot

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.

I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Two Idiot

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s.
They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.

Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them.

It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Three Idiot

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, “Put all your muny in this bag.”
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.

She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left.

He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Four Idiot

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.
He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.

Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.

He immediately mailed in his $40.

Wise guy ... But you still get a sign.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Five Idiot

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.

After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, “Because I don't believe you are over 21.”

The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him.

At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.

The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.

The robber then ran from the store with his loot.

The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.

They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Idiot Number Six

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.

The first one shouted, “Nobody move!”

When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Idiot Number Seven

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.

He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.

So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.

It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.

The whole event was caught on videotape.

Yep, here's your sign.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Idiot Number Eight

I live in a semi-rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.

The reason: “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.”

Take the sign - Please!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stay Alert!

They walk among us ... they Reproduce ... they Vote

and I'm sure that many of them hold elected office!!!

(from an email)

Sunday with Morgan

Let the color show begin:

Looking south across the Wabash River

Again south

Looking south east upstream

The colors are beginning to show. It won’t be long till the trees will be full of color. This is my very favorite time of year. And this is my very favorite view. Across the river is the town park. I think I have the best view of anyone.

Tweets

1. Calling an illegal alien an 'undocumented immigrant' is like calling a drug dealer an 'unlicensed pharmacist'

2. Everything happens for a reason except for clowns.. I mean seriously what the hell ..

3. Take nothing for granted ever ever ever

4. I've given new meaning to "feel the fear and do it any way"

5. Spider webs creep me out especially walking right into them. I always wonder where the spider is & pray that it's not crawling down my back

6. Life is too short to waste time on stupid people. Bleh

7. "If you start out depressed, everything's kind of a pleasant surprise."

8. Trying to remove something once it hits the internet is like trying to get pee out of a swimming pool.

9. My brother has the best sister!

10. "We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb & clap as they go by." ~ Will Rogers