Great Quotes:

"Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking."--Dave Barry

" There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result."---Winston Churchill

" I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste." --David Bissonette

" When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick." -- George Burns

" I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming." -- Jimmy Carter

" When I read about the evils of drinking. I gave up reading." Henny Youngman

" You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." -- Bob Hope

"The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it." -- Anne Bancroft

" The best way to get your wife to do something ------ Beats the crap out of me" Joe

" Never judge a book by its movie." -- J.W. Eagan

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow

"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet." --Oliver Herford

" When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football." -- Cornwall Koontz

"All the world is a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed." -- Sean O'Casey

" I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." -- Mark Twain

" A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car ; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad." -- Theodore Roosevelt