You are too old to trick or treat when…..

10. You keep knocking on your own door.

9. You remove your false teeth to change your appearance.

8. You ask for soft high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops candy in your bag you lose your balance and fall over.

6. When people say “Great Mask” and you are not wearing one.

5. When the door opens and you yell “Trick or ???” and can’t remember the rest.

4. At the end of the evening you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to choose a costume that does not dislodge your hair piece.

2. You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

And the number one reason Seniors should not go out Trick or Treating

1. You keep having to go home to pee.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE

Corbin's team wins the Championship!!

WAY to GO Chargers!

And his biggest little fan

At Corbins Football game

Things to do when hard times hit.

1. Keep your spirits up.
2. Things will change they always do.
3. Count your blessings.
4. Be gentle with your self.
5. Pray, meditate, relax.
6. Stay in touch with family and friends.
7. Make your needs known.
8. Ask for help.
9. Never ever give up.

Things that bother me today.

1. Walking into a spider web.
2. People who don’t vote and then do nothing but complain about the results.
3. Drivers who don’t use their turn signals.
4. Web sites with horizontal scrolling.
5. Web sites with music, I leave immediately.
6. Telemarketers
7. People who let their dogs use my yard as their toilet.
8. People who can’t wait to file a lawsuit to get rich quick.
9. When you bite into a jelly bean and it's a different flavor than what you thought it was.
10. People who love to point out how wrong everyone else is while they are a walking train wreck
11. When someone blows their nose in your presence and then proceeds to look at what just filled their tissue/handkerchief.
12. Cashiers that want to bundle the receipt with my change. Hand me the money separately so I can put it in my pocket, and then hand me the receipt or place it in the bag.
13. People who give their kids weird names
14. People who have no idea what "personal space" is.
15. Speed bumps

A Great Campaign

These are actual billboards in Detroit , Michigan put up by GM. They start off the Chrysler Freeway by the GMHQ - and branch out through Pontiac , Livonia and Plymouth ; west to Grand Rapids , and north as far as Sault Ste. Marie. This is without a doubt the greatest campaign in automotive history. Build American - Buy American!

Click on the pictures to see them full sized

I Blame It On Computers

Do you remember Penmanship Class in school?
When the teachers would teach us cursive writing, how to combine the letters. I would practice for hours. Then later in Jr. High (yes, I had Jr. High, not middle school), we would all practice improving our cursive. Writing our names in flowery cursive.
I used to write letters. Use stationary, unlined stationary at that!!
Now, I can't even read my own handwriting. Besides signing my name to the occasional card, I can't remember the last time I wrote a letter. I mean, actually wrote a letter by hand, not typed on the computer or emailed.

Monday with Morgan

Our cute little Colts fan

How many states have you visited?

I never really looked at all the places that I have lived and/or visited. I knew I had been to a few different states and turns out I have visited more than I thought.
So how many states have you visited?

create your own personalized map of the USA

Step-grandparents

Step-grandparents enter into a family in one of two ways. You marry someone older when you are older and you get a huge package which includes stepchildren and step-grandchildren. Or, your biological child marries someone who has children from a previous relationship and voila, you get step-grandchildren. Either way, I’ve talked with people in this situation and many times we are confused about their grandparent identity and/or their role. A lot of the time the responsibility falls on your shoulders to “keep a finger in the pie.” Let’s face it, you can still act like the typical grandparents—rile up the kids, have fun at their parents expense, and then send them home. What do your step-grandchildren call you? Is it OK to call you by your first name? If their other other biological grandparents are still around am I a Bonus or an odd extension to the family?

Designated

This morning I was quietly drinking my first cup of coffee, when I heard the announcer on TV say something about a 9 year old driving a van. WTH? Well it seems a drunken man knew he was impaired and could not drive so at 3 am he put his 9 yr old daughter in a booster seat and let her drive. They went to a gas station and the camera showed the van pull in and park. Inside the dad was actually bragging about it. The video also shows the little girl getting in the drivers seat and pulling away. A man called 911 and when the police pulled her over the girl wanted to know why they were stopping he as she was driving “good”. The girl told officers her father had been drinking whiskey all night, took her out to drive, and then decided to stop at the station. The girl's parents are separated; she was with her father for the weekend. Shawn Weimer was charged with second-degree child abuse and fourth-degree child abuse, punishable by up to a year in jail. This happened in Michigan..

My question is…

Will a judge be impressed that he was not driving drunk and that he had the good sense to employ the use of a booster seat so that the child could see as she drove? Will he take into consideration that it was 3:00 am and traffic was light?

Cute Angry Bird

Morgan Adele 16 months

List

1. Plans and schedules drive me insane. I am a fly by the seat of my pants type person.

2. I'm happy when things are calm.

3. The last thing I drank was water. That is about all I drink, I hate to waste calories on liquids!

4. One of the most valuable things in my life is my family. Duh!

5. I like veggies on my pizza. The more the better!

6. Dear October, I love you - you remind me to focus on all the beauty of nature.

7. And as for my week, I am looking forward to veggie pizza and a movie

Dr Feelgood

I have been watching bits and pieces of the trial of Conrad Murray. He is the doctor who worked for Michael Jackson and was being paid an insane amount of money. $150,000 per month. It has opened up the very strange world of Michael Jackson and his hangers on. I would not trust any of them as far as I could throw them. Dr Murray was an enabler just like the doctors that surrounded Elvis, and Dr Murray was willing to supply MJ with his drugs but never attempted to deal with his addictions. I wonder who made the decision for Dr Murray to become MJ’s personal physician.

Dr. Conrad Murray’s defense, his only real defense against the charge of involuntary manslaughter of Michael Jackson, is a simple one. He says that Jackson in effect killed himself. That he was so hopelessly drug addicted that he pumped himself up with the fatal drug or combination of drugs that killed him.

None of the witnesses so far have covered themselves in glory. But it is the defendant Conrad Murray who is the star of the show even though he hasn’t said a word. If you think Michael Jackson looked strange, then you need to watch Conrad Murray . His face is completely expressionless and the eyes show no sense of emotion.

The trial has not gone well for Conrad Murray. The prosecution is very efficient, while his defense team reminds me of The Keystone Cops, and seem completely out of their league. In my view, the prosecution team is making a very good case against Dr Murray and the details of the use of the drug Propofol are incredible, as the drug is normally only used as an anesthetic in surgical procedure, and must be closely monitored, not going off and calling one of your baby mama’s.

It is MHO* that the Doctor will be found guilty. But what about the addict? Do his actions enter into this? What do you think??

* my humble opinion

Things I learned on the internet today:

1. October is Squirrel Awareness Month

2. Mr. Snuffleupagus's favorite foods are cabbage and spaghetti

3. A 50 foot long bridge was stolen in Pennsylvania

4.Ants never sleep in their whole life.

5. All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.

6. Most of the dust underneath your bed is actually your own dead skin.

7. Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers were all invented by women.

8. Your fingernails grow faster in winter.

9. In 21 U.S. states, WALMART is the single largest employer.

10. The 'L.L.' in L.L. Bean stands for 'Leon Leonwood'.

Everyone has value and something to offer

I believe this is true. It took me a very long time to "get" that I too have something to offer. I can offer encouragement to others. I can offer an ear to listen, I am a very good listener. I can offer a shoulder to cry on. And a swift kick in the ass when needed. And there is real beauty in that, I may not think what I have to say is interesting to any one but I am sure there is someone somewhere that will be interested and if I can help just one person this blog has value. I offer to be a bad example, I will be the face of a smoker, I will stop and tell your kids why I have this tube in my nose, and I will patiently answer their questions. From time to time when I am out and about little kids will watch me and point. I smile and say hello and tell them it is from smoking. I see their eyes get big and I know it hits home with them. So you see even tho I am old and broken I can offer hope, hope that I can make a difference and that even if just one child remembers my face when he or she is tempted to smoke that first cigarette I have offered something of value.

(this is a repost of one of my first blog entries)

Autumn on the Wabash River Part II

DEMENTIA QUIZ:

FIRST QUESTION:
YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN?

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~



ANSWER :

IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST,
THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE !
TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.
NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION,
BUT DON'T TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS
YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION, OK?



SECOND QUESTION:
IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....?
(SCROLL DOWN)

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~





ANSWER:

IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU ARE.....
WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??

YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?

THIRD QUESTION:
VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE:
THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.
DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR. TRY IT.

TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30. ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20 . NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000.
NOW ADD 10. WHAT IS THE TOTAL ?

SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER.....

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~



DID YOU GET 5000?

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100...

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR !
TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT?

MAYBE YOU'LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT.... MAYBE...

FOURTH QUESTION :

MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS:

1 NANA, 2. NENE, 3. NINI, 4. NONO, AND ???

WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~



DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN'T. HER NAME IS MARY ! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN !







OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND,
I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO REDEEM YOURSELF :



A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH.
BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE PURCHASE IS DONE.
NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~




IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE. HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT....
DOES YOUR EMPLOYER ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO THINK??
IF SO DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR ANSWERS FOR THIS TEST!

(from an email)

Autumn on the Wabash River

These pictures were taken on the east side of my house. There is 1 huge old maple trees and 3 that are probably around 40 or so years old. They have the most beautiful yellow gold leaves in the fall. If you look really close you can see the river in the distance, click on the picture to see them larger. I love my view!

I wonder

1. Why do old men pull their pants all the way up to their waists?
2. Why do we close our eyes when we laugh or sneeze?
3. Why do people put stuffed animals on the dashboard or backseat of their cars?
4. Why do men’s and women’s shirts have buttons on the opposite sides?
5. Why are tampon commercials so dang cheerful?
6. Why didn’t anyone share some Trix cereal with the Silly Rabbit?
7. Are baby carrots cut from regular sized carrots and shaped or are they carrots that never grew up?
8. Why starve a fever and feed a cold?
9. Why am I not supposed to cry over spilled milk?

Germs

Germs people, GERMS!! I need to address this again. Germs...they're not everywhere, they're every where!! I mean think about this...again! When you go somewhere and use your debit card and then they give you a receipt to sign with a pen...DON'T USE IT!!! The truth is it's really not a pen...it's a germ stick. You think it's okay to use, but you didn't see that the person who was inline in front of you was digging their nose or their ears or scratching dandruff with that same pen before you got it. Don't believe me?? Look at the pen next time they hand it to you. It's probably all brown and pasty looking by the part where you hold it to write. Sounds disgusting?? WELL IT IS!!! AHAHAHAHA...so don't use gas station pens, bank pens, or store pens. It really sucks when you go to a place like Target or Wal-Mart though, where they have those rubber pens that you absolutely must use to sign the electronic thing for your credit card. I despise using those! I tried to use my finger nail to sign one time....that didn't go over too well with the cashier. She thought I was germ phobic. If germ phobic means caring about not catching some virus from touching public writing utensils or pressing the numbers on the ATM machine...then bring on the title!! Oh and speaking of ATMS....Please, please, PUH-LEASE don't press those number buttons with your fingers! Have you ever bothered to look at the black gook that is around the numbers?? Its filthy! It's almost as if the germs taunt me when I go to the ATM...so you know what I do?? I press the buttons with my knuckles. As for public doors and those paper towel dispensers in the bathrooms, you're kind of in a Catch-22 with those things because if you use wash your hands, dry them, and then open the door, you have to wash your hands all over again!! Either way....please beware of the Germs....I don't want any of you catching the cooties! Yes, cooties do exist...just ask the gas station attendant who gave the germ stick to the hillbilly in the pickup truck who was digging his left ear with it! COOTIES!

I have questions.

1. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

2. If the 'black box' flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

3. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol?

4. Can you cry under water?

5. Why do people say, 'You've been working like a dog' when dogs just sit around all day?

6. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?

7. Do fish ever get thirsty?

8. Can you get cornered in a round room?

9. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep?

10. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables then what is baby oil made from?

11. What should one call a male ladybird?

12. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?

13. Can you blow a balloon up under water?

14. Why is it called a 'building' when it is already built?

15. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it?

16. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

17. Why is it called a TV set when there’s only one?

18. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?

19. Why are ‘apart’ments stuck together?

20. Who teaches spiders which leg to put forward first, when they start walking?

21.Why is inspiration momentary, while depression is more permanent?

Out my back door

Trash

When I was a child, I was taught to place my trash in the proper place. Once the trash can was full, the trash was either taken to the dump, or burned. If a large item needed to be disposed of, it was gathered up and placed in the pickup, and was taken to the dump along with the other trash. Trips to the dump didn't come along often, and I never passed up the opportunity to go!
Of course, back then, when dinosaurs roamed the earth there were no seatbelt or helmet laws. Children were allowed to sit in the back of the pickup and fight over who got to sit on "the hump", which was what we called the interior wheel wells let their hair become tangled beyond belief in the ensuing breeze! Their feet were usually bare, tan and dirty, and their noses were always a bit sunburned. Pure child abuse...;)

Unfortunately, today's children will never know the joy that comes from trips to the dump. You see, their parents think it's too far to drive. They also think that it's MUCH more convenient to just toss their trash out along the road as they head to, say, the grocery store.

Nothing:

• Nada
• Zilch
• Zip
• Squat
• Zero
• goose egg
• Zippo
• Diddly squat
• Hill of beans

Details you might not care about.

Well, here are some random details about me:

• I can guarantee everything I post on this site will have an error in it even though I read it 100 times.
• I think Ron White is the funniest person on the planet. I don't ever want to meet him because I'd just start crying and pass out in a puddle of my own urine – I can't imagine that would make a very good impression.
• I have very eclectic taste in music. I listen to ABBA, Frank Zappa, The Mills Brothers, Tom Jones, AC/DC, Dolly Parton, & Cee lo Green
  
• I'm not a big fan of milk chocolate. I know that makes me dead to some people.
• I'm painfully shy but compensate for it by acting like an asshat.
• Behind every picture in my house there are about four holes where I have previously hung it only to decide it was too high/low/dumb.
• I have trouble understanding accents which makes me feel both racists and ignorant. I find Scottish accents particularly difficult.
• I really like bird watching and gardening so I have eased into old age quite seamlessly – coffee with dinner is only a matter of time.
• I don't get poetry that doesn't rhyme, jazz or long distance running no matter how hard I try or how many people tell me how wonderful it is.
• I have an irrational fear (yes, I'd say phobia) of heights. I would be screwed if my only escape from the was up a ladder.
• My most favorite sound in the world is the sound of laughter.
• I wish I could speak Chinese and play banjo. Nothing would be cooler than to scream "ni hao" then launch into a blue grass lick.
• I am flabbergasted when I don't win the lottery. I'm not sure if that's optimism or stupidity, or both since I have never bought a ticket.
• I keep the pictures people send me in Christmas cards, and I keep the cards.
• I swear a lot.
• I used to model professionally in the Ukraine but gave it up to pursue my love of civil war reenactment (I also lie when I've run out of things to tell you).