Out my back door:

Here are some of Dilbert's one liners:

1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Try & try, if you don't succeed, then CHEAT
4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..
7. Born free, taxed to death.
8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
24. Someday is not a day of the week
25. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
26.. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
27. The road to success.... Is always under construction..
28. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
29. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
and here's the best of the lot

30. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening, or in love with someone else.

5 Riddles

Put your thinking caps on for these 5 Riddles.

THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST FIVE RIDDLES I HAVE SEEN....THE ANSWERS ARE AT THE BOTTOM. RIDDLE #5 IS AMAZING. IT SHARPENS THOSE GENES IN YOUR BRAIN AND STALLS ALZHEIMER'S FOR YEARS!!

The 5 Riddles....

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?

4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?

5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!

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Do Not Cheat

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THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE THE RIDDLES ARE BELOW:

1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.

That one was easy, right?

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).

3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.

4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!

5. The letter e, which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.

Always Right

Do you always have to be right? always have to have the last word? is it your ego? passive aggressive behavior? or some other reason you are unaware of? I know I am wrong more than I am right but I have no trouble admitting that. Why do you have to be right? Why do I find it necessary to defend my position? Why do we get all in a snit about stuff that really for the most part doesn’t even matter to us? I will tell you, that companies go out of business because owners or managers need to be right. Fifty percent of divorces take place because people have to be right. Customers leave a business because they feel like they were made to feel wrong conscious or otherwise. Negotiations break down because people have to be right. People are not happy as they travel through life because they feel they are not right enough. Why? Is it all in the name of power? Control? Or some other emotional need? I don't really know. I do know that I don't like to be around people who always make me feel wrong. Your decisions, opinions or views are for you and you alone. No one else has to accept them, agree with them or like them. And if they don't that's just fine too. Ask yourself, who in my life am I trying to manipulate, change or invalidate by being right? You have a choice in life you can be right or you can be happy. I am learning that you can't be both.

Quotes

1. When Snake is alive, Snake eats Ants.
When Snake is dead, Ants eat Snake.
Time can turn at any time.
Don't neglect anyone in your life........ ...

2. Never make the same mistake twice,
There are so many new ones,
Try a different one each day.

3. A good way to change someone's attitude is to change our own.
Because, the same sun melts butter, also hardens clay!
Life is as we think, so think beautifully.

4. Life is just like a sea, we are moving without end.
Nothing stays with us,
what remain is just the memories of some people who touched us as Waves.

5. Whenever you want to know how rich you are?
Never count your currency,
just try to Drop a Tear and count how many hands reach out to WIPE that- that is true richness.

6. Heart tells the eyes see less, because you see and I suffer lot.
Eyes replied, feel less because you feel and I cry a lot.

7. Never change your originality for the sake of others,
because no one can play your role better than you.
So be yourself, because whatever you are, YOU are the best.

8. Baby mosquito came back after 1st time flying.
His dad asked him "How do you feel?"
He replied "It was wonderful, Everyone was clapping for me!"
Now that's what I call Positive Attitude

(from an email)

Mensa Invitational ( may offend some readers)

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

The Winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words:

The Winners:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

(from an email)