If Some People Had Their Way...

we would be sending the following Christmas/New Years greetings out:

A Politically Correct Holiday Greeting

Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your particular choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their own religion, as well as those who choose not to practice any religion at all. Additionally, a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2012, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures, whose contributions have helped make our society great, without regard to race, creed, color, religion or sexual orientation.

(Disclaimer: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.)

O screw it!...

From my house to yours..

Merry Christmas !!

Memories

REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME …

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.
Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
We should've known…...
ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

Reindeer

If the reindeer were on face book it might look something like this.

5 on Friday

1. Do you already have your Christmas tree up? If so when did you put it up? If not when will you put it up?

I am not putting one up this year.

2. Do you have any particular theme when it comes to decorating your tree? Maybe you do all Disney ornaments? Only blue lights?

I used to do a new theme every year. One year I used all Red lights, put a Santa face on the top, a black felt hand made belt around the middle, red felt mittens, one on each side and black boots under the tree. It was so cute.

3. What is your all time favorite ornament? Only one.

They are all favorites to me!!

4. How many stockings do you hang and are any of them for pets? And...where do you hang them? (Not everyone has a fireplace)

I no longer do this but used to hang them on the open stairway.

5. Tell us about one of your Christmas traditions.

Watch The Christmas Story marathon on TV. A group of us used to get together and bake tons of Christmas cookies. We had fun and had cookies to give to everyone.

Open Letter to Spammers.

I'm currently working on technology that will intercept
spam, bounce it to the originating server, and electrocute the spammer using his keyboard and mouse. Until my work is finished, I have a couple simple requests.
Before I go any further, let me make one comment. A penis cannot be enlarged by three inches. Can't we make a more believable claim? Let's say a half inch, or an inch max. Thanks - a little reality goes a long way here.
Clearly, spam cannot be eliminated. (This is why I'm
working on my invention.) But there's clearly an unnecessary amount of redundancy in the e-mail.
I really feel that lot of the clutter could be eliminated
with some simple consolidation. Look at industry. As
start-ups become successful in their niche, they are bought by larger companies. These larger companies incorporate the technology and services into their product line. Everybody wins. The users can now get everything they need from one source, and sales and support are given by the same company.
I think that's an excellent model for the spam industry as well. Instead of the scores of spam that clutter my inbox each morning, I envision a single spam which reads something like this:
-----------
Refinance with us! We've been in the mortgage business for six months and guarantee you the lowest rates (unless someone else's are lower). Call our toll-free number and speak with one of our friendly, professional loan officers today.
When you refinance with us, you'll receive the following benefits:
* A year's supply of Viagra
* Penis growth kit/pill/device - grow your member an inch!
* Norton SystemWorks - includes AntiVirus!
But wait. That's not all. You also get a free pass to
porn sites! View all the hot XXX action you can stand.
Now how much would you pay?
----------
Now isn't that a better idea? You spammers don't have to send a different e-mail for every product, and we victims don't need to wade through all those useless e-mails. Once again, everybody wins. I'd put this into action right away. Because I'm *this* close to perfecting my Spammer Electrocution technology.
You may not have another chance.

(ironically this is from an email)