Nonsense

*"If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?"
*"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener!"
*"A dog has an owner. A cat has a staff"
*"I'd like to have more self-esteem, but I don't deserve it!"
*"Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is."
*"Nothing is fool proof to a talented fool."
*"Bacteria - the back door of a cafeteria."
*"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be."
*"Stressed spelled backwards is desserts."
*"As I said before, I never repeat myself."
*"Corduroy pillows: they're making headlines!"
*"Young at heart, slightly older in other places."
*(I'm) proof that evolution can go in reverse"
*"My reality check bounced"
*"If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?"
*"I hate people who steal my ideas before I think of them."
*"I was uncool before uncool was cool."
*"Middle age: When your age starts to show around your middle"
*"Do not disturb, I'm already disturbed."
* "If an open door is ajar, is an open jar adoor?"
* "March Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change."
* "Telepath Wanted: You know where to apply!"
* "The information went data way"
* "I'm bilingual - I speak English and SMACK!"
* "Mental floss prevents moral decay."
* "Why use a big word when a diminutive one will do?"
* "Why is abbreviation such a long word?"
* "I can see clearly now, the brain is gone."
* "Every morning is the dawn of a new error"