Just a Thought

I assume that many of you have our Flag displayed either in or

outside of your home. But how many of you walk past it every morning and salute it,

thank God for it, or even think of the American blood that was shed for that flag?
Do that for me tomorrow, will you?
The first man that died for our Country and the last man killed in Afghanistan or Iraq deserve that much.

Good Guys drive Red Trucks

In the early days of television it was easy to tell the good guys from the bad guys--the good guys always rode white horses and wore white hats! And there was something else. The bad guys always lost. Always! That was the law. Evil never was shown to come out ahead. "Crime doesn't pay!" was the lesson America wanted ingrained into its upcoming generation. Real life isn't quite as clear-cut. In real life the good guys don't always win and ride off into the sunset singing a happy song. Some times the bad guys win. This is one of those times. The bad guys who wrote the "pc antispyware2010" virus that hit my computer won. Well, mostly they won. Actually, the main goal of the virus program is to extort money from the unwitting smuck who downloads it. At least I didn't send them any money to 'buy the program' to clean my computer. All it has cost me is a nervous breakdown, lost sleep, all my fingernails and a new tool with which to beat myself over the head with. After trying everything, Dan is going to reformat my computer. Doing this will remove all programs that I had paid for and downloaded. But I was the dumb one who clicked on the pop up.. Please be careful there are people who are out to take over your computer and ruin it. I am lucky enough to be able to borrow computers, which has allowed me to be online enough to check my mail and monitor my ebay sales, and post lame jokes on here. I hope you all have a safe and fun Labor Day weekend and may all of your double clicks be clean ones. OMG!OMG!OMG! Dan fixed it! He figured it out and fixed it! Good guys do win! If any of you need a good and I stress GOOD computer man contact me. Thanks Dan.

Not Finished

Cash for Codgers A New Government Program

Another of my lame jokes.. Dan is still working hard on my computer. This virus is a bad one. I hope no one is offended at these, I think most of my readers are aware of my sick sense of humor and my conservative stance. And besides this is funny!

Democrats, realizing the success of the President's "Cash For Clunkers" rebate program, have revamped a major portion of their National Health Care Plan. President Obama, Speaker Pelosi, and Sen. Reid are expected to make this major announcement a a joint news conference later this week. I have obtained an advanced copy of the proposal which is named....

"CASH FOR CODGERS" and it works like this... Couples wishing to access health care funds in order to pay for the delivery of a child will be required to turn in one old person. The amount the government allocates will be fixed according to a sliding scale. Older and more prescription dependent codgers will garner the highest amounts.

Special "Bonuses" will be paid for those submitting codgers in targeted groups, such as smokers, alcohol drinkers, persons 10 pounds over their government prescribed weight, and any member of the Republican Party.

Smaller bonuses will be given for codgers who consume beef, soda, fried foods, potato chips, lattes, whole milk, dairy products, bacon, Brussels sprouts, or Girl Scout Cookies. All codgers will be rendered totally useless via toxic injection. This will insure that they are not secretly resold or their body parts harvested to keep other codgers in repair.

Remember you heard it here first!

Caution

So my computer has a bad virus still. I am not sure when I will have it back. It is in Dan's good and capable hands. I am convinced there is a special place in hell for the people who wrote the Virus. Until then I will post some of my favorite jokes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal.
It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'
The next day someone stole it!

***They walk amongst us!***
------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------

*One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted....'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'

***They walk among us!!***
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff'

***They Walk Among Us!!***
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.

***They Walk Among Us!!!!***
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.... She keeps it in the trunk.

***They Walk Among Us!!!!!***
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?' I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...

***They Walk Among Us!!!!!!! ***
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

***They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!***
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

***Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!

Sadly, not only do they walk among us, they also REPRODUCE!!!!

Doctors and the Health Care Plan

I got this from my brother and I just had to share it. I am sorry if any one gets offended.
But I thought it was so funny.

The American Medical Association has weighed in on the new health care plan being developed by the Obama Team:

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, grow up!'

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pi$$ed off at the whole idea.

The Anesthesiologists thought the idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.


In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the A$$holes in Washington.