Pooh

You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think... Christopher Robin to Pooh (A.A. Milne)

Clinton’s $$$pectacular Affair!

Despite the over-the-top secrecy or maybe because of it, the world is abuzz over Chelsea Clinton’s up coming wedding. From the $15,000 air conditioned port a potties to the $250,000 flowers. The restricted air space and who is going and who was not invited ( President & Mrs.Obama). The whole wedding is rumored to cost over 3 million dollars. That is some serious money folks. If I had that money at my disposal just think of all the things I could do. I would pay off those 3 masseuses' for poor old Al Gore. I would donate some to find a cure for cancer, and to who ever runs against .. well you know who.

Now rumor has it Chelsea is vegan. If that's true, I doubt there will be all that many dead animals on plates. However, MY food choices for the formal wedding dinner is interesting to say the least, and if I were to take a guess at it; I'd have to say you might see baked possum w/ cream sauce, prime armadillo roast, orange Jell-O, a sea of greens and salads topped off with a wide array of relish trays nicely decorated with garnished red radishes and flowered parsley. I don't agree with the Clinton's politically, but I wish nothing but the best for their little girl...Who I believe is actually a closet Conservative.

Pet Peeves

1. Fake laughter.

2. Spammers.

3. Famous people who name their children horrible strange names.

4. People who cough around me and don’t cover their mouth.

5. Negative people.

6. Clothes that shrink in the dryer.

7. Air guitar. Don’t do it. You look like a dork.

8. Junk mail.

9. Shopping carts with a bad wheel.

10. PeOpLe WhO TyPe LiKe ThIs.

Collection of Stuff that I found while searching the web.

Bathrooms of America

The wonder that is the online journal American Libraries Direct has bestowed upon me another gem of knowledge. There’s a site dedicated to bathrooms across America where it is safe for all to pee. It's geared toward the transgendered crowd, looking to avoid the bathroom hassle. I’ve never had to think about it, but that is probably quite a dilemma. I’m amazed at the stuff I don’t know about because it’s not part of my daily experience. Who knew?

Safe2Pee (click here)

I’m Confused

So, apparently there’s been uproar about a gentleman in the UK who was “simulating sex” with his bicycle. Indoors, alone, and in his own space. And for some reason, the authorities have taken exception to this. I have not been able, thankfully, to visualize what exactly was taking place upon their arrival. But the guy was arrested and then placed on the sex offender list. Many questions spring to mind. The two most prominent ones are:
1) Why was this dude attracted to his bicycle?
2) Why were others involved in this man-bike tryst?
I’m puzzled by the whole situation. If you, like me, cannot ignore this story even though you want to, look here.

Geography Shame

So, there’s this test that asks you to fill in a blank map of the 48 states. I guess they figure if you can’t find Alaska or Hawaii then you’re not worth their time. It took up way too much of my day today. It’s timed. I tried it. Bombed. Tried it again. Bombed again. I’d like to tell myself that I could have done it successfully if I had had more time, but likely not. By the day’s end, I had figured out a system. I’d just tick through their alphabetical list of states, and then place them as I went, rather than look at the map and try to willy-nilly fill in the ones I knew. (Yes, I just used the word willy-nilly.) After the billionth time, I’m happy to report that I finally did it. If you try it, beware of Maine. You have to click it at the tip top to get it to register. This was a source of some salty language today.

Reconciliation

My sister died last April. We had fallen out of touch in recent years, despite that we lived near each other, because we had become frustrated with one another, and I was all too willing to comply with her stated desire to be left alone. In the years since then, I've thought about reaching out to her, but I never did. She could have done the same, of course, but might very well have refrained from doing so for no other reason than that she thought I was still mad at her. (I wasn't.) For my part, the reason I didn't reach out was simply that I sometimes found her frustrating, and therefore I didn't really want to.

"There will always be time for reconciliation later" is one of those lies that we tell ourselves, which I think we know very well are lies, even as we are comforted by them. I wish I had not been so hard-hearted and lazy, but there's nothing I can do about it now.

This bothers me

OK, enough mystery. It’s Circus Peanuts. You know what I mean, and don’t deny it. I know you remember them and maybe at some point ate one. I was in the store and saw packages of Circus Peanuts on display. “Wow, they’re still around?” I asked myself. “Why?”
I’ve done some informal polling of friends and acquaintances. So far nobody will admit that they like Circus Peanuts. (Do I need to keep capitalizing it? Many different companies make Circus Peanuts—it’s not like it's Coke we’re talking about here.) The closest I’ve come to finding a C.P. fan is when a friend confided that his father liked them. That’s it. Nobody else. Who, then, is creating this demand?
I did some heavy duty research by typing “Circus Peanuts” into Google. I looked at the first three results and decided to take their word for it. They’re marshmallow. I never knew what the hell they were even made out of—or what they’re supposed to taste like. Not like peanuts, certainly. I vaguely recall the taste of St. Joseph’s chewable baby aspirin, but the years may be playing with my memory. Does anybody out there really like them?
Share. Tell me. Please, I just want to understand.

Sunday Cuteness

Sweat Happens:

A heat wave is a prolonged period of excessively hot weather, which may be accompanied by high humidity. Or it is a Song! Enjoy!

1957

I know some of you are not old enough to remember, but believe it or not, the following were some comments made in the year 1957:

(1) "I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, its going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20.00."

(2) "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long when $5,000 will only buy a used one."

(3) "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."

(4) "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"

(5) "If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."

(6) "When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."

(7) "Kids today are impossible. Those ducktail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls,"

(8) "I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying damn in "Gone With The Wind", it seems every new movie has either hell or damn in it."

(9) "I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."

(10) "Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday that they will be making more than the President."

(11) "I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."

(12) "It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet."

(13) "It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."

(15) "I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business."

(16) "Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to Congress."

(17) "The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on."

(18) "I guess taking a vacation is out of the question now days. It costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel."

(19) "No one can afford to be sick any more, $35.00 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood."

Bete Noire

B[^e]te" noire"\ [Fr., lit. black beast.] Something especially hated or dreaded; a bugbear.

Yeah, I have a few of those.

Some of have been around for years. For instance, I have an extreme aversion to writing the letter S. I remember, the teacher that taught me cursive writing was a ruler bearing witch who made sure that my S's were started at just the right point and ended at the right point. If not, I had to write pages and pages of "s's". To this day, I hate writing the letter S.

The smell and sound of someone eating corn nuts and Fritos. It smells like a mixture between dirty feet and cow manure. (I do like the taste, somewhat, but the smell…peeyew!!) Also, just plain ol crunching with your mouth open. Chew with your mouth closed!

People blowing their noses at the table…especially when it sounds all buggery like they need a suction to get it all out. That's a good way to get me to stop eating. Blow your nose and I'm done!

On the subject of noses, another bugbear (like my new word?) is when parents pick their toddler's nose buggies, yet, fail to wash their hands afterwards. Gross!

People that fart in the same store aisle that you are shopping in. When someone else walks down the same aisle, I want to say, "It's not me, trust me, it's NOT me!!"

Speaking of stores…..I don't get why some parents will let their precious poopsie run around the store, knocking stuff over, running between clothing racks. I cringe when a kid has a tantrum at the checkout counter and the mom or dad appeases the kid by opening up cookies, chips, soda, gum, and candy only for the kid to continue screaming until he/she is outside the store. (I guess they wanted McDonald's instead?)

Why do people say, "You know what I'm saying?" when if I did know, then we wouldn't be having this conversation?

Do you have a bete noire?

Changes I have seen……

Consider the changes we have witnessed: We were before television, before penicillin, before polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbee and the Pill.
We were before radar, credit cards, split atoms, laser beams and ball-point pens. Before pantyhose, dishwashers, clothes dryers, electric blankets, air conditioners, drip-dry clothes and ...before man walked on the moon!
We got married first, and then lived together. How quaint can you be?
In our times, closets were for clothes, not "coming out of". Bunnies were small rabbits, and rabbits were not Volkswagen's. Designer jeans were scheming girls named Jean or Jeanne, and having a meaningful relationship meant getting along well with our cousins.
We were before house husbands, gay rights, computer dating, dual careers and commuter marriages. We were before day-care centers, group therapy and nursing homes. We never heard of FM radio, tape decks, electric typewriters, artificial hearts, word processors, yogurt and guys wearing earrings. For us, time-sharing meant togetherness.... not computers or condominiums. A chip was a piece of wood; hardware meant...hardware and software, well it wasn't even a word.
In 1940 Japan meant junk, and "making out" referred to how you did on your exam. Pizza, McDonald's and instant coffee were unheard of.
We hit the scene when there were 5&10 stores where you bought things for five and ten cents. The corner drug store sold ice cream cones for a nickel or dime. For one nickel you would ride on a bus, make a phone call, and buy a Pepsi or enough stamps to mail one letter and two post cards. You could buy a new Chevy coupe for $600, but who could afford it. A pity, too, because gasoline was 11 cents a gallon.
In our day cigarette smoking was fashionable. Grass...we mowed. Coke was a drink and pot was something you cooked in. Rock music was a grandma's lullaby and aids were helpers in the principal’s office!
We were certainly not before the difference between the sexes was discovered, but we were surely before the sex change--we made do with what we had. And, we were the last generation that was so dumb as to think you needed a husband to have a baby!
No wonder we are so confused and there is such a generation gap.

Powerful

CRABBY OLD MAN
When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in North Platte , Nebraska , it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.
Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. One nurse took her copy to Missouri .
The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Association for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.
And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.

Crabby Old Man
What do you see nurses? . . .. .. . What do you see?
What are you thinking . . . . . when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man . . .. . . not very wise,
Uncertain of habit . . . . . with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food . . . . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . . . . . 'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice . .. . . . the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . . . lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . . . The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? . . . . . Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse . . . . . you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am. . . . .. . As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, . . . . . as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten . . . . . with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters . . . . . who love one another.
A young boy of Sixteen . . . . with wings on his feet.
Dreaming that soon now . .. . . . a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . . . my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows . . . . . that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . . I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . . . .. . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . . . . With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons . . .. . . have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me . . . . . to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . . .. . . My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me . . . . . my wife is now dead.
I look at the future . . . . . shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing . . . . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . . . and the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man . ... . . . and nature is cruel.
Tis jest to make old age . . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles . . . . . grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone . . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . . . . . a young guy still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys . . . . . I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years, all too few . . . .. . gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people . . . . . open and see.
Not a crabby old man .. . . Look closer . . . see ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet
an older person who you might brush aside
without looking at the young soul within.
We will all, one day, be there, too!
PLEASE SHARE THIS POEM
The best and most beautiful things of
this world can't be seen or touched.
They must be felt by the heart.

thanks Joe

Trivia for your Monday enjoyment:

1. The stirrup, the tiniest bone in your body (it's in your ear), is smaller than a ant.

2. Q: What kind of wood is used to make Scrabble letters? A: Vermont Maple.

3. The world's five smallest countries would easily fit inside of Walt Disney World.

4. Animals that lay eggs don't have belly buttons.

5. Birth of the dimpled ball: Golfers noticed that old, dented balls flew farther than new ones.

6. 63% of shopping~mall Santa's have a college degree...and 29% are fluent in sign language.

7. The "first electronic computer" was built in 1889 for the U.S. Census Bureau.

8. Q: What do Cleopatra and John Wilkes Booth have in common? no one knows where they are buried

9. People with heart disease are 2.4 times more likely to have a heart attack when they are angry.

10. Twelve most-often-used letters in the alphabet: E,T,A,O,I,N,S,H,R,D,L,U.

The most important things in life aren't things. - Anthony J. D'Angelo

I can relate

"$5.37." That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change, when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount." I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68," he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 58, not even 60 yet. A mere child! Senior citizen? I took my burrito and walked out to the truck, wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile. Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?
"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh? I stared with utter disdain at the keys I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!" I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard. Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found. I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time.
There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits. Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. He offered these kind words, "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."
All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And, no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast. As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.
The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

Pet Peeves

1. Car alarms that signal that they are on by honking.

2. Dirty dishes in the sink.

3. People who clear their throats in a disgusting way.

4. People who can't complete a sentence without saying "you know".

5. Rappers who thank God at awards ceremonies.

6. When there are no hot dog buns left and you have to eat your hot dog on a folded piece of bread.

7. Walking into spider webs.

8. Hearing classic songs that I grew up with...pimping products on commercials.

9. People who love to point out how wrong everyone else is while they are a walking train wreck

10. People who don't care what's going on in our country.

Huh?

I have a hard time understanding what people say sometimes. Actually I have a hard time most of the time. I am losing my hearing and do not have hearing aids to help me. People that don't know me think I am ignoring them when they speak to me or snubbing them if they do know me. I have had people actually ask me if I was slow. It is hard to explain to people that I did not hear them speak to me or have them repeat what they said to me because I only heard a word or two. I smile and nod a lot in social situations or look like I am totally absorbed in something so I won't get approached. I miss a lot of what is being said and therefore I fill in the blanks and sometimes it is wrong. It has caused a lot of problems for me and so I stay out of situations where I will have to listen to a lot of different people. The internet has given me a chance to meet people that do not care if I can hear them or not. I can chat with someone and not have to say what did you say? I have met some wonderful people here. I am thankful for all that I have met. You have helped me to find out things about myself that I probably never would have known.

Things TV Has Taught Me: Small Towns Kill.

Never, never, ever, ever live in a small town. Small towns got bad juju. If you die in a small town you gonna die in a strange way, like from an exotic disease carried only by a beetle larva found in lower Burundi, or you will be killed in an overly complex love triangle involving several generations of back story (which in turn require several flashbacks) the horse trainer, the butler's degenerate niece - who happens to be the gardener's illegitimate cousin - and your great-aunt. Especially avoid all towns with Angela Lansbury. And if by a horrible twist of fate you do live near her, DON'T MEET HER. Knowing her is like the kiss of death; have you seen her show? Good lord. Knowing her and having the slightest rouge of a scandal are her town's most reliable predictors of an early death, so for god's sake, always do your homework yourself and go to church every week or you're gonna get it.
I'm telling you, don't live in a small town. I know this because I've been watching ungodly amounts of television lately and I'm an expert: Don't move to small towns! Doooooon't!! They're death traps for the quaint and relaxed. Green Valley's motto should be: We're the real Death Valley! Just stay the hell away, people. Stay the hell away.

25 SIGNS THAT YOU'VE GROWN UP

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. You read this entire list looking desperately for just one sign that doesn't apply to you..........and can't find a single one to save your sorry old ass.

Success

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Email

I was reading my mail and received the Toddlers' Property Laws. I laughed so hard then it dawned on me...... too many people have never grown out of the toddler stage. Sad.

Toddlers' Property Laws
=======================
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks like mine, it is mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down,
it automatically becomes mine.
10 If it's broken, it's yours.

Sunday Cuteness

Morgan
1 month old

ID anyone??

I'm a legal American citizen and I must show my ID when:

1. Pulled over by the police.

2. Making purchases on my department store credit card.

3. When I show up for a doctor's appointment.

4. When filling out a credit card or loan application.

5. When applying for or renewing a driver's license or passport.

6. When applying for any kind of insurance.

7. When filling out college applications.

8. When donating blood.

9. When obtaining certain prescription drugs.

10. When making some debit purchases, especially if I'm out of state.

11. When collecting a boarding pass for airline or train travel.

I'm sure there are more instances, but the point is that we citizens of the USA are required to prove who we are nearly every day!

Why should people in this country illegally, be exempt!!!!!

New Product

I present to you the Canwich.

This should be in every single disaster kit right next to the dusty can of peas and space blanket. Because when you're sitting on a giant pile of rubble that used to be your house, nothing will make you feel better than biting into a $hit-flavored corn syrup sammy.

And in other news.. water is still wet.

So you think English is easy

Can you read these right the first time?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture..

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this.

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car . At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give

UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP .

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so......... time to shut UP!

Oh...one more thing:

What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U-P

from an email.. thanks Joe

No Mojo

I need to post something. I've started, rewritten, and discarded a couple posts recently. None of them have been very good. One or two of them were about the TV show "Bachelorette" (don't watch it; it'll rot holes in your brain). And one was about how my life is on pause and it's annoying. So. Look. I'm posting. (This is more for me than for you.)
Okay. Off to bed. Thank you for indulging me.

I don't get it

There's something I need to share with everyone. It's a little shocking, especially given today's norms and taboos. It's understandable if y'all don't look at me the same way again. Here we go. My secret shame. My secret burden:
I don't understand Facebook.
Completely baffled by it. Personal pages for the periodic elements would make more sense to me.
What the hell is 'The Wall'? Why would I want to write on it? I'm not into graffiti, but suddenly online I'm crazy for the spray paint? Oy. (Apparently I'm a Jewish mother, too.)
What do you do on Facebook? I can't figure that out. Do you scroll through each friend's page, 'cause that gets kinda tedious kinda fast. If I see one more misspelled inside joke using "u", "wuz", or "lol", someone will die. Tonight. Presumably in a bloody way. Not sure yet.
And what do you look for? I mean, there's not much there: "Whee! Another list of popular bands flavored by just a touch of independent musicians! Whoo. . .didn't see that coming. . It's mostly the layout and "what the hell do you do?" aspects that addle my head, but what also puts a wrinkle in my brow is the cultural order. I recently got a friend request from, Gene, a guy I went to high school with. He's a nice enough guy, I suppose. I only "suppose", though, 'cause we're not friends. You could kinda call us acquaintances, but really we were more like People-Who-Vaguely-Knew-Of-Each-Other's-Existence. He was basketball; I was nothing- get what I'm sayin'? So can you do that? I've only been friending people who are/were, you know, friends. Or at least acquaintances. Should I be branching out into People-Of-Whom-I-Only-Have-A-Vague-Notion-Of-Their-Existences?
On a positive note, I like the SuperPoke thingies. They're fun, they're cute, it's all good. It's nice to know people are thinking of you half-way across the globe. And anytime you can get a booty slap from across the pond life is good, I say.
So there it is. I don't understand (or really like) Facebook. I'm open, though, to suggestions and explanations. I don't want to be a "playa hata".
Peace out. Or something.

Backhanded compliments

My top 2 compliments of all time:

Number One
Oh, msNkrey, you should read the Harry Potter books. I think you'll like Hermione; she's just like you. She loves books and reading and isn't very attractive at all.

Number Two
msNkrey! You're smarter than you look; where have you been hiding it all this time?!

Old Glory - long may she wave

I remember the Fourth of July in the small town where I grew up. Flags lined both sides of the two block along Main Street. Their wooden staffs fitted into metal sockets that were cast in the concrete, near the edges of the sidewalks. And Old Glory flew proudly and colorfully in the breeze.
If rain threatened, the local businessmen watched the sky. As the first raindrops hit the sidewalk, they raced out to retrieve the precious banners before they got wet. And heaven help any clumsy lout who allowed the Colors to even touch the pavement.
It seems that no one tossed flags on the ground and trampled all over them back then. No one urinated on flags ... or burned them. Perhaps people were well-enough educated and intelligent enough then to express themselves and their beliefs and ideas in words, spoken and/or written. Or maybe they realized that it would just not be worth the effort and the pain involved in attempting to do otherwise.
Today's world, with all of its guaranteed freedoms, only makes my childhood memories all the more precious.

4th of July Quiz

1. The Declaration of Independence begins with what words?

2. What document was the legal framework of the United States?

3. When is the anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence?

4. Which two patriots died on July 4, 1826?

5. Who do historians believe sewed the first official American flag?

6. The first 10 amendments to the Constitution are familiarly known as?

7. Who was the first person to sign the Declaration of Independence?

8. How many stars were on the first United States flag?

9. Who wrote the words of the Star Spangled Banner?

10. One nation under _____?

Friday Fact

I don't want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

10

1. Clean House is an awesome show - I can’t believe how some people live in such crazy clutter.
2. A pregnant Goldfish is called a “twit” (random, but true)
3. Waking up at 5:00am is never a good idea....ever
4. I live inside my head a lot – I need to get out of it more
5. I cannot leave jigsaw puzzles alone. I love jigsaw puzzles. They satisfy me on so many levels.
6. I prefer being barefoot and only put on shoes when I am leaving the house or my feet are cold. I will not wear heels.
7. Sometimes a song can save the day
8. Is there anything better than that first sip of coffee in the morning?
9. A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
10. The way my mind wanders is a little scary to me.