Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Vintage Ads So Antiquated You Won't Believe Your Eyes!

"Papa Says It Won't Hurt Us"
papa
(Yeah, but you still probably shouldn't let the kids take the gun to bed.)
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7-Up For Babies!
7up
(That's right! Get your baby started early on empty calories, with tooth decay to boot!)
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He'll Beat You If The Coffee's Stale!

coffee
(Chase & Sanborn: Threatening women with domestic violence since 1862!)
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Baby Knows: Marlboros Are The Best For Mommy!
cig
(These kids look downright envious of their mother's nicotine addiction. On the upside, cool hat!)
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Fat? Get a "Sanitized" Tape Worm!
fat

(Somehow we don't believe the guarantee on the bottom of "No ill effects!". They did say tape worm, right?)

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Blatz Beer "Nourishing Tonic" For Mom...And Baby!
blatz
(Another case of babies drinking terrible things. What happened to warm milk?)

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Doctors Recommend: Smoking!
camel

(If doctors smoke them, they must be good for you! Because doctors never die of unnatural causes.)

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Here's Your Whiskey, Master!
whiskey

(That's right, he's "double rich" because he gets all of his servant's money too.)

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Woman = Need Taming
subaru
(Who Wants Women To Be "Spirited" Anyway?)

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Athletes Smoke Cigarettes For Energy!
atletets
(Wow, the Olympics really have changed.)

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Bleach Your Skin...Or Face Being "Homely"
white

(If "milky-white" skin is the only "natural" skin, why do we need a special product to get it?)

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It's A Man's World...Ties!
tie
(We're not arguing that it's a man's world, but we missed the part where women were slaves.)

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Oh, So THAT'S What Wives Are For!
mix
(We thought they were for lifelong companionship, mutual earning and habitual love. Silly us.)

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"She Needs Sugar In Her Life. For Energy."
sugar
(They forgot the part of Mary's day where she has a serious crash, breaks out, and gains 20 lbs.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
So Easy, A Woman Can Do It!
catsup
("Uh Oh, Look what I figured out! Next I'll be driving a car!")~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

again taken from an email.. Thanks Joe

4 comments:

Alice said...

That Marlboro one is too funny.

"Chill mom, have a smoke!"

Anonymous said...

That we now seem to be 'offended' by some of these old ads...only speaks to our slow slide into a much more insidious sickness...'political correctness'!
Snakefoot

Bob G. said...

MSN:
Leave it to JOE to find these priceless "gems"...ROFL!

Maybe there were a FEW "bumps in the road" when it came to all those "better times" in the past?
I will concede this...happily.

(like...the kitchen in our house is MY DOMAIN...!)

And the Subaru?
Well, they DID rust really well back then.

My doctor preferred CHESTERFIELDS.

And I agree that having little Elizabeth take that revolver TO BED isn't the BEST idea these advertisers had.
(the only thing FIRED was the aforementioned ad-man...LOL)

Nicely done...thank you both for some of history's more inept trysts at "informing the public".
(or was that MIS-informing?)

Stay safe down there.

CWMartin said...

OMG, can you imagine these ads today? Still laughing. The coffeee ad and the Blatz are my favorites.