Disgusting Truth of Your Life

WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH

During an hour's swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/12 liter of urine.

In an average day your hands will have come
into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles etc.)

An average person's yearly fast food intake
will contain 12 pubic hairs.

In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects
- while you slept!

Annually you will shake hands with 11 women
who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

Annually you will shake hands with 6 men who
have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

Daily you will breath in 1 liter of other
peoples' anal gases.

The average person burps about fifteen times a day—generally a little more than they fart. Since belching is just another way of breaking wind. Each volley of farts consists of about 9 percent carbon dioxide and 7 percent methane, two gases that contribute to global warming.

One serious study on the differences between the sexes concerning their eructation habits found that when fed the exact same food, women have more concentrated gas than men, or "a greater odor intensity."

The sweat that oozes from your pores is actually a weak version of pee, made up of the same components as urine: water, salts, and urea. It also contains a chemical that is the same as wasp poison, and another chemical that is similar to what skunks spray.

I found this very disturbing and scary. Makes me want to stay home and never ever shake hands with any one ever again. (from an email)

Character Traits

I learn best through making my own mistakes and I like to make them in private.

I don’t like being judged, and I hate being judged wrongly.

I don’t like public scenes and I don’t like to draw attention to myself unless I really have to.

I value my privacy.

I don’t seek fame in any way and try to avoid anyone who does.

I don’t like conflict, it makes me anxious and nervous and I avoid it at almost any cost.

I don’t give up on something if I think it is worthwhile.

My home is my sanctuary. If you call to sell me something I’ll decline politely and if you keep it up I will hang up.

I display good manners. I am courteous and polite.

I detest bad manners.

I like to help people and I like to please people.

I don’t gamble, drink, do drugs or smoke.

I’m very self critical.

I’m sometimes wracked with guilt.

Cooking

I am a relatively decent cook. Most of the feedback that I’ve received on my cooking tends to be fairly upbeat. This would, in large part, be due to the fact that the audience I cater to is quite lenient a judge, has no fancy tastes and is rather partial toward me. In other words, I’m the only one who eats what I cook.
I don’t really like cooking for others. I feel there’s too much pressure to get it right. This is why I like to put up a disclaimer before I start to cook anything, saying “This will not taste anything like what you expect it to. If you are still okay with eating it, let me know now, otherwise I am counting you out.” Most people wisely choose to abstain. Besides no one can ever be really sure exactly what someone like me might slip into the dish, and since most people I know avoid—almost religiously—some item of food or the other, they wouldn’t want to risk eating anything coming from my hands. All this, of course, suits me just fine. I cook, I eat.
I find cooking to be somewhat boring. I cook almost exclusively because I have to eat and am too broke or too lazy to order in or go out. So if I have to cook, here’s what I do—I pretend like I’m hosting my own little cook show. I imagine there’s a studio audience in front of me, three or four cameras around the place, a nice little hat on my head (still imagining, I don’t wear one for real!) and maybe even a surprise guest every so often. Sometimes I’ll pretend like I’m the guest on someone else’s show.
So as I’m throwing in the ingredients, I’ll look up and speak to the audience. I’ll try to do different accents on different days, just to make things a little more interesting. I like to toss the stuff in the pan up in the air every now and then. These days, it often falls right back in too! (Who says I can’t learn!)
Then, when it’s all ready and over I’ll sample it. It normally tastes worse than dog turds in mud, but I’ll somehow manage to put a brave, almost satisfied, expression on my face and go, “Wow! That is just simply dee-li-cious!”
I figure I’m a good showman but a bad cook. Heck, isn’t that exactly what they need for these shows? Maybe, I should apply for one. Hmmm.

10 Rules to Live By

1. You can be thin and wrinkly or you can another piece of cake and fluff those things out.

2. You can't shine a turd.

3. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

4. I'm not crazy; I'm just a sane person trapped in the body of a lunatic.

5. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

6. Be careful of the toes you step on today as they may be connected to the a$$ you have to kiss tomorrow.

7. Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

8. If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.

9. There are two theories to arguing with women, neither one works.

10. Never take life seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway.

Monday Trivia

1.The average person has 1,460 dreams a year. That's four a night.

2. American tables are set with salt and pepper, in Hungary it's salt and paprika.

3. Birth of the dimpled ball: Golfers noticed that old, dented balls flew farther than new ones.

4. Doctors in ancient China were paid when patients were healthy, not sick.

5. The world's rarest matchbook, issued after Charles Lindbergh's Atlantic flight, is worth $4,000.

6. President Clinton's feet (size 13C) are the biggest presidential feet since Woodrow Wilson's.

7. First American to have plumbing installed in his home: Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 1840.

8. The first sound recording ever made was, "Mary Had a Little Lamb," by Tom Edison in 1877.

9. Istanbul, which sits half in Europe and half in Asia, is the only city on two continents.

10. Japan reportedly has far fewer flush toilets than any other modern industrialized nation.

Old too soon smart too late

The older I get the more I learn about myself. My relationship with my Mom has always been a strained one and I never understood why. I want everyone to be absolutely certain and without a doubt that I love my mom. However, I can only like her as much as she will let me. There's that learning thing...as much as she will let me... She's never been very forgiving, loving, happy or friendly for that matter.
I like being happy. That's where the learning comes in. I can't live to please someone that doesn't want to be pleased. I have learned to surround myself with people and things that make ME happy.

Forgiveness is not pretending it didn't happen; Forgiveness is letting go and learning to live freely. enough said