Say what you mean

You know how sometimes you hear people or maybe yourself saying certain things and as soon as you hear it you think to yourself that's not what they really mean. You know it's true. We all say things we don't really mean. We do it to be socially appropriate or to display positive parenting. We do it so we don't get our butts kicked by people bigger than us or so we get that raise at work. We all do it. When you are trying to pee in a public bathroom and someone pushes the door open you say: "Oh it's okay."
What you mean is: "I'm in here trying to pee and the door just slammed me in the head. If I wanted you to sit in my lap I would have invited you."
So what is it that you really mean?

Sunday Sugar:

Can you hear me?

Can you hear me now?

Precious

Morgan Adele 7 months

Grown Woman or Girl?

Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits in.

Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.

Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't.

Girls try to put a man 'on lock' by using sex.
Grown women know that it's the sex of the mental kind that makes a man want to 'lock' you down.

Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it-- using it as a time for personal growth.

Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

Girls try to monopolize all their man's time (i.e., don't want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time even more special -- and goes to kick it with her own friends!

Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.

Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.
Grown women 'show' him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate w/o fear of losing his manhood.

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that that was just one man.

Girls fall in love, chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all 'signs'.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, doesn't always love you back-- and move on, without bitterness.

Girls will read this and get an attitude.
Grown women will read this and pass it on to other grown women!

( from an email) This advice is good for both sexes.

Dear Winter:

We started off together a few months ago and things were going well. I was taken by your beauty. I had a hard time controlling my emotions. I accepted your many blankets of affection. Then you became cold and bitter. I started resenting you. You kept throwing yourself at me.

Now the newness has worn off. I am sorry, but you saw this coming, we talked and decided to try to remain friends and remember the good times. Now here you are trying to win me back by sending more snow and cold. I don’t think so scooter I have moved on. I am now with your friend Spring and we are going to be very happy together. Please grab your snow and go. I need you out of my life NOW!

Why do we love children?

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents...'
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked...'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible... He picked up the object and looked at it.. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

(from an email)

Random crap about me:

1. I think Ron White is the funniest man in the world.
2. I am very shy but I compensate for it by acting like a fool.
3. I am not a fan of milk chocolate.
4. I don’t get long distance running, jazz and some poetry.
5. I have an irrational fear of heights. I would be screwed if my only escape route was up a fire escape.
6. One of my very favorite sounds is .
7. I am always puzzled when I don’t win the lottery. I am not sure why I am overly optimistic since I never buy a ticket.
8. I keep every one of my cards. I have birthday cards that go back years. Not sure why I do this.
9. I have an eclectic taste in music.
10. I used to be a swimsuit model. (I lie when I run out of things to tell you)