Ripples

It’s weird sometimes when I feel I have so much to do and yet I do nothing. I just seem to have an inclination to go back in time. Not to re-live, but just to look back at who I was and how I was and how everything else was. It’s probably the best form of educating me about myself; the way I’ve grown to be person that I am now.
Today, as I stand on the threshold of yet another big step, I realize there are so many things that I could have done differently, tho not necessarily better. From betrayal and losing friends, to basically being lonely and living this whole thing called life the really hard way, indeed broke and wore me down. My bad health was taking a toll on me and it was probably the lowest ebb in my life. Nothing was going right. The only thing I had left was faith in myself. Nothing else existed.
Today, I’ll say I am much better. It could have been worse, maybe it could’ve better too. The silver lining is that I have some new friends who have really stood by me ever since. And, with age comes a certain wisdom of knowing that experiences make and mold you into a better person. I have seen low points, lower than some, and better than some.
But I’ve never regretted any bit of this. I have my detractors. I have my critics. My aim is not to silence them. because I also know I don’t need to do that nor do I need to prove them wrong. I know myself best. And when the need arises, and it usually does, I’ll be my own worst critic. No other critics needed, thanks. I have never turned in the face of a challenge. And I never will. Success does not always come to those with the most victories. Happiness does not always come to the most successful and it’s mostly all in the mind anyway. If you "believe", then anything is possible. When you’ve scraped the bottom of the ocean bed and come back to the top, battered but alive, you know you can. I can and life smells pretty sweet.