So....a man turns middle age. What does he get for his midlife? He gets a snazzy, sexy, fast, little two-seater convertible. What did I get for my midlife? Hot flashes, 40 extra pounds, facial hair, flabby arms and a pissy attitude. Men always have it easier...it's just not fair.
I also needed to get STRONGER cheater glasses. You know the ones. They sit on the end of our noses and make us crook our necks at an odd angle to see over them because heaven forbid we take them off! They might get lost and we would never see anything closer than five feet again!
And don't tell anyone, but I find myself saying "what?" "what did you say?" "can you turn up the TV please?" I will probably need a hearing aid before too long.
WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! I AM OLD! There, I said it. Do I feel better? LetmethinkaboutthatrealquickNO!
I was flossing and looking in the bathroom mirror the other day when I saw some "fluff" on my cheek, so I tried to brush it off. "Tried" is the key word here, because, lo and behold...it wouldn't brush off, so I tried again. No luck. I leaned in toward the mirror, peered a little closer and saw.....FACIAL HAIR. ON MY FACE. BLOND, FLUFFY, FACIAL HAIR. I look like a wombat!
Just add this to my list of age-induced insults....droopy eyelids, saggy arms, droopy butt, reading glasses, lip lines, eye wrinkles, gray hair, the inability to cough without--well, you know, hot flashes, plus the 50 extra pounds that my body has decided to retain. What the hell?
Dignity, dignity, where fore art thou, dignity?
Today, while spray painting a wire stand to "re-purpose" I was dutifully making vigorous sweeping motions with the spray paint can. I had a good rhythm going and was making great progress, when suddenly...and I want to shed copious amounts of tears when I say this....I (gulp), noticed (gasp), MY UPPER ARM WAVING AT ME!!! (waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!) IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE?? HAS NO PART OF MY BODY BEEN LEFT UNSCATHED AND UNTOUCHED BY AGE??
1 comment:
MSN:
Not really into the 2-seat sports car stuff...not PRACTICAL.
That's why I bought my "sports-like" car (Firebird) when I was THIRTY...LOL.
(I do want an ASTON MARTIN, though...and it's still a FOUR-SEATER.
I have those "octafocals", and I STILL "cheat"...!
(I refuse to call them PROGRESSIVE lenses...being a moderate...LMAO)
The only thing I got going is that my weight hasn't deviated from what it was TWENTY years ago (Don't hate me...it's a genetic thing I guess)
But then, there is ALWAYS the arthritis to deal with (joy)...
As long as the MIND is sharp...THAT'S what counts!
It's not easier for us...just a sense of misplaced priorities that causes men to do weird sh*t...
Have a great weekend, in keeping with the situation.
:)
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