Hirsute

hir⋅sute (hur-soot)

1. hairy, shaggy
2. covered in long stiff hair.
3. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of hair.

This morning I happened to look in the mirror just right and the light was just right and *gasp* there on my chin was a shiny hair, about ¼ inch long! All I can think is how the hell did I miss this sucker? I am pretty sure astronauts on the Space Station could see this hair. This leaves me wondering what recipe God used when he made women. But I am sure he figured I will just give them a tiny touch of hair on the upper lip and the chin. Just to help keep them warm in winter. Now I have tried everything but laser treatments; hot wax, bleaching and plucking and shaving. I still have a slight mooosetash and a wild chin hair or two. Is this part of aging? Must I accept it? Can I fight it? Does it come with a side of where are my keys, and I wet my pants when I sneeze? I actually have paranoid fantasies about being in a coma or otherwise hospitalized and unable to deal with my facial hair. In my mind, people stop visiting me, my kids won’t look at me, and nurses laugh at me when they think I can’t hear. I remember one day I was chatting with a woman I worked with and she was talking about waxing her upper lip, and I mentioned that I had to pluck my chin. She told me that she never would have known, and that I must do a good job, because she had never noticed. I was obscenely proud, until I reflected for a moment on how sad that was. I mean, I’m a pretty cool woman who has done lots of interesting stuff, and I was about to burst with pride because someone had complemented my ability to painfully rip hairs from my face. WTF?