Gong

Persons of a certain age may remember a TV program titled The Gong Show. They had a panel of three mildly famous folks for judges. For some reason, it always seemed like one of them was Klinger from MASH. And acts would perform. If they sucked, one of the judges could smack the gong, and they’d be done. And if the performers made it through without getting gonged, the judges would give them a numerical rating. Kind of precursor to Dancing with the Stars and American Idol, I guess.
But many of the acts were truly awful. Some of them went there with the intention of being gonged, and some were just awful and yet thought they were great. Any one of the three judges could gong. Sometimes you would see a scuffle as one pseudo celeb tried to wrestle another to prevent (or sometimes for the privilege of) a gonging. You could see sometimes how the judges pitied the performers, or enjoyed the lameness and would let the show limp on. But inevitably, it would become unbearable to them and the gong was struck.
And I began to think about how great it would be to just gong people right off the stage of our lives. And if they gave any resistance, the big hook would come out and yank them away. Some freak show wants to strike up an absurd convo with you? GONG! Some a$$ on a cell wants to dominate the environment with his obnoxious call? GONG! Some dude comes along wearing the same gym socks since the first Bush administration? GONG.
I can tell you that I have waited patiently through many bad acts, hoping that they would improve. But they usually don’t. So, I've come to this decision. I hereby reserve the right to gong. I can’t just sit around waiting for Klinger* to do my dirty work.
*Is Klinger still alive?