Monday, September 21, 2009

Noise Pollution

I understand that you feel the need to compensate for the inadequate size of your appendage with a straight-pipe, tuned-for-extra-noise rolling temper tantrum. And, fer sure, the rest of us lowly civilians with an unnatural need to sleep at 3:00 in the FREAKING morning are in utter and complete awe of your noise generating capabilities. Clearly you are, by a long shot, the loudest and most impressive monkey in the jungle.

I am among the folks who wonder why your personal enjoyment should be more important than the need for reasonable calm of EVERYBODY ELSE in a four block radius.

Nope, the only reason why you have tweaked your bike to emit on average 130-150 decibels while idling is that you want to draw attention to your pathetic, insecure, socially retarded self. Me, me, me! Pay attention to ME! I am loud! Yeah! I am really LOUD!

My suggestion to remedy the situation:
All operators of boom cars or insanely loud motorcycles are to be taken into custody immediately and subjected to a 72-hour sleep-deprivation treatment (just so you can get a taste of the lovely effect you are having on entire neighborhoods and the occasional baby, sick person, shift worker, et al.)
On each subsequent violation, the sleep-deprivation treatment is extended by an additional 24 hours. This guarantees that individuals re-offend for a maximum of 3-4 times before the penalty either drives them insane or kills them.

2 comments:

Bob G. said...

MSN:
I can SO relate...been dealing with such vermin for YEARS!

I use a LASER POINTER to shut 'em up...with a 50-50 success rate.

Trouble is, the police have to HEAR the violator in most cases (in Indiana) and that's what a DECIBEL METER is for!

I'm all for NOISE traps...if they can do chkpts for alcohol and seatbelts, they SURE can do it for NOISE.

And BY all MEANS, MAKE each VIOLATION worse than the last. Vehicle confiscation is working in some cities like Chicago.
(anyone for WATERBOARDING?)

Good post...we need more like this to make people aware and get them motivated to action.

Thanks.

Katie said...

Gram...your future son in law altered his car so it would make more noise!!! And i dont think he is compensating for anything! And he doesn't want attention...he just likes it! You've never complained about this before!