Facts

1. Life span: A butterfly lives for about 6 months

2. Amazing fact: 20% of the people in human history who lived beyond age 65 are still alive today.

3. Military spending: Among other things, the U.S. military operates 234 golf courses

4. The heaviest dog on record was a St. Bernard that weighed 310 pounds.

5. Where does the word condom come from? Dr. Charles Condom (1630-1685)

6. There are an average of 178 sesame sees on a McDonald's Big Mac bun.

7. 90% of Hallmark cards are purchases by women.

8. At this moment, nearly 2,000 thunderstorms are taking place around the world.

9. Dr. Seuss coined the word "nerd" in his 1950 book, If I Ran the Zoo.

10. The largest toy distributor in the world is not Toys R Us or Wal-Mart - it's McDonald's.

Things that make me happy

1. A fancy teapot, mine gets used every day.

2. Sea Salt, I love adding a dash to the things I am cooking… it always makes me feel more like the wonderful chefs on television.

3. Mr. Clean magic eraser. Ever used one?

4. Vitamins/supplements. I would love to eat healthy, raw, natural, and organic foods because I know how essential they are. But honestly, I hardly ever do.

5. My glasses. I just got this pair and I already love them. They fit. They are comfy, and I like wearing them.

6. Bottled water. The convenience of it makes my life easier. I love water. It is honestly my favorite beverage. And the amount I drink… at home, in my car, wherever we go… makes drinking it out of bottles so much easier. (I do NOT recycle)

7. I love sanitizing wipes. I use them to clean everything!!!

8. Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups.

9. My Computer

10. Anything monogrammed.

Deep Thoughts

Last night I was listening to talk radio. The host was speaking about about ethics and morals and "situational ethics" which got me wondering a few things. First of all, what's the difference between ethics and morals?

Ethic - a set of moral principles : a theory or system of moral values

Moral - a) of or relating to principles of right and wrong in behavior b) sanctioned by or operative on one's conscience or ethical judgment.

Morals rely on one's own perception of what is right and wrong and ethics are a system of moral values generally dictated by society (business ethics, medical ethics, political ethics, etc).
So, my questions are: Do ethics change from situation to situation? Or do your ethics stay the same no matter what?
Morally you're against killing people but you support the death penalty. Is that situational ethics?
Can you be for the death penalty but against abortion? Aren't both acts of taking another life? Or how about the death penalty and euthanasia? Can you be for one and against another?
Can you morally think that homosexuality is wrong but ethically be opposed to the legal discrimination of homosexuals?
Can you morally be opposed to birth control but ethically think that certain people be sterilized?
Is lying by omission to gain favor morally or ethically wrong? Can you lie in certain situations and justify it while morally being opposed to lying?
What do you think? Can ethics be situational? What about morals?

Saturday Rant

I'm not sure why people drive with their headlights on full beam even in town? Surely this cannot be because they don't realize what a pain this is to oncoming traffic. They have oncoming traffic that is coming right at them! And the first thing they ought to notice is that they cannot see anything because of the headlights of others! And that ought to be their cue to dim their own lights.
But this just does not happen.
So I can only conclude that people have NO idea that there even are two levels for their headlights.
So in public interest, let me inform all of you who drive cars that your lovely automobile comes with the option of selecting between not just one, but TWO levels, for your headlights when driving. There's "High" and then there's "Low". And when you are driving in areas where there are street lights and other sources of surrounding illumination, you do NOT need the "High". Yes, this may come as a complete shock to you, but it is possible to see quite well without it!
When you drive on "High", you are not only signaling to the rest of the world that you are an A$$hole but are also likely to be the cause of trouble to someone else who cannot even see the freaking road because you have blinded them and drives straight into some idiot who just happens to be cycling right in the middle of the street. (For the record, this did NOT happen to me.)
Of course, it is quite possible that people actually know that they have the option of the dimmer, but don't give a rat's a$$ either way about anyone else. (Maybe live on the Southside?) These people definitely exist, and they're the same kinds that push in line ahead of you or yell on their cell phones in public places. But I would like to believe that ignorance is the reason behind this particular failure of humanity rather than sheer apathy. The first can possibly be cured, the second, unlikely.

Friday Ramblings

1. I like to eat raw oysters.

2. For the life of me I can’t fold fitted sheets.

3. I totally love this time of year.

4. Storms scare me to death.

5. I was in a tornado years ago, people in the building were killed, it was like we were bombed.

6. I love the taste of my morning coffee. There is nothing better.

7. People that mumble annoy me.

8. People who love to point out how wrong everyone else is while they are a walking train wreck also annoy me.

9 People who don’t stay home when they are sick, but soldier on to work and infect every one around them really annoy me.

10 Aging isn’t scary to me. But growing old is.

My name is Msnkrey and I am a Mollyaholic

Video clips at Ustream
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Apprentice

So, a few things about the new Celebrity Apprentice.

Dear Bret Michaels,
For the love of cannabis man, do something else with that hair! When your hair makes both Trump's and Blago's hair look good it is time for a change. Please. Change. And btw, while I am writing you, enough with the Rock of Love Bus and crap.

Dear Joan Rivers,
YOU rock. Seriously. I love how you went to the little diner on the show and despite the crowd at the lunch counter, you put your Birkin handbag on it's own chair. The Birkin deserves no less.

Dear Donny Jr,
For the love of expensive hair gel, please stop referring to the woman's team as "the girls".

Dear Ivanka,
Please kick Donny's ass. We all know you can take him.
Okay I am done now.

An Email

No matter what our kids and the new generation think about us,

WE ARE AWESOME !!!

OUR Lives are LIVING PROOF !!!

~~~~~~~~~

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE

1930s, '40s, '50s, '60s and '70s!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets, and, when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads.

As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes..

Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And we weren't overweight.

WHY?

Because we were always outside playing...that's why!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.

--And, we were OKAY.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem..

We did not have Play Stations, Nintendo’s and X-boxes. There we no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVDs, no surround-sound or CDs, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms.

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from those accidents.

We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping-pong paddles, or just a bare hand, and no one would call child services to report abuse.

We ate worms, and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and -although we were told it would happen- we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.

Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, and inventors ever.

The past 50 to 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas..

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

If YOU are one of those born between 1925-1970, CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.

While you are at it, forward it to your kids, so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it ?

~~~~~~~

The quote of the month

by

Jay Leno:

"With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

Potting Mix

I was at a Walgreen's last Thursday. I was waiting in line to pay for stuff I can't even remember now but was vitally important at the time. This dude comes in, eyes the long line, and then walks directly up to the cashier.
Side Bar: like most urban Walgreen's cashiers, she looked less than pleased to be there. In fact, she looked like she was hungover or possibly still drunk--sort of like a meaner version of Droopy. So awesome.
Anyway, so our friend random dude tries to butter up the cashier by using her name and asking her where is the (here's what I hear) "potting mix". Mean Droopy asks if he means for alcohol mixers. He's frustrated and says that he's from the South and he drove all the way to this Walgreen's to find "potting mix". A lady in line then suggests that maybe he's looking for a mix of different kinds of candy. At this point, I'm sorely confused because I think he's asking for potting soil. So, I ask "Do you mean dirt?" To this, he shoots me a nasty side glance and complains that we are all comedians or something.
Then he more helpfully explains he's looking for pretzels, Chex mix, etc. Ahhhh, you're looking for "party mix" not "potting mix". Oops, sorry for making fun of the awesome Southern accent. I was wondering why he thought Walgreen's sold dirt.

The Haircut

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, "I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a "thank you" card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a police officer came in for a haircut and, when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, "I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The officer was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a "thank you" card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
A Congressman came in for a haircut and, when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, "I can not accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

(from an email)

Jesse James needs a lobotomy

Things that make my skin crawl.

I mean, anyone with half a brain can look at this skank and see that she has the man hands, the nasty veins, and the rock hard fake boobies on top of man pecs. I'm pretty sure she had to tat her neck in order to deter attention from her adam's apple removal scar. Let's not even discuss those brows! Ok let's discuss. What in Sharpie hell is she thinking??!?

All I know is I hope Sandra Bullock's man didn't hit this...

Do you think that snake tat leading to her hoohaa is a tribute? Hmmmm....I'm just saying!

I really really really hope this whack job is delusional. I don't know how Jesse James could throw his marriage away for that piece of trash. I mean, Sandra Bullock is awesome. Not Hollywood awesome, but wholesome awesome. In the real sense of the word.

If he did cheat on Sandra, with that inked up skank that would really be tragic. For Jesse, for his 3 children...for Cinnabun the runaway pit bull...

But not for Sandra.

Nope.

She's a tough one.

Besides, she's got a man...

A nice sized, rock hard golden little man.

She knows. Look at how she is saying "Uh huh, I got this!" She knows she's gonna be ok.

As far as Jesse James, you know "Bombshell" probably has a few gifts that keep on giving. For Sandra's sake, I hope those gifts can be treated with antibiotics.

Sad stuff, tragic stupidity. How some guys can be total dumpster divers when it comes to sex is beyond my comprehension.
I mean, on the one hand he has Sandra Bullock, Total Brilliant Sexy Real Life Sweet As Can Be Down To Earth Funny Genuine Article * * All American Babe * * . . . and on the other hand is a woman who's sad life story may well end in or near a dumpster.
Who would have thought this was a tough decision?

Views of Spring

" Spring is nature's way of saying, " Let's Party"" -- Robin Williams

"Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush." -- Doug Larson

"Spring shows what God can do with a drab and dirty world."-- Virgil A. Kraft

" In the spring, by the end of the day, you should smell like dirt."-- Margaret Atwood

" The first day of spring is one thing, and the first spring day is another. The difference between them is sometimes as great as a month." -- Henry Van Dyke

"People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball.I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring." -- Rogers Hornsby

"In the spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours." -- Mark Twain

"Science has never drummed up Quite as effective a tranquilizing agent as a sunny spring day." -- Earl hall

"Spring has returned. The Earth is like a child that knows poems." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

"The day the Lord created hope was probably the same day he created Spring." -- Bern Williams

" Out with the Cold in with the Woo!" -- E. Marshall

Random Thoughts on Friday

1. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

2. Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.

3. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Bud Lights than Kay.

4. Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever..

5. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

6. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray?

7. I don’t want reality I want magic.

8. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to take a nap when I was younger.

9. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

10. Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.

Waiting for Happiness

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin..real life...But, there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time to be served or a debt to be paid..then LIFE would begin.
At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my LIFE. This perspective has helped me see that there is no way to happiness... but that happiness is the way.

So, stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you retire, until you get married...until you get divorced, until Friday night, until you get a new car, or home, or job, until your song comes on the radio, until spring, summer, winter or fall...until you have a drink, until you sobered up, or until you die, to decide that there is no better time to be happy then NOW!!

St Patrick

The person who was to become St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, was born in Wales about AD 385. His given name was Maewyn, and he almost didn't get the job of bishop of Ireland because he lacked the required scholarship.

Far from being a saint, until he was 16, he considered himself a pagan. At that age, he was sold into slavery by a group of Irish marauders that raided his village. During his captivity, he became closer to God.

He escaped from slavery after six years and went to Gaul where he studied in the monastery under St. Germain, bishop of Auxerre for a period of twelve years. During his training he became aware that his calling was to convert the pagans to Christianity.

His wishes were to return to Ireland, to convert the native pagans to Christianity. But his superiors instead appointed St. Palladius. But two years later, Palladius transferred to Scotland.

Patrick, having adopted that Christian name earlier, was then appointed as second bishop to Ireland.

Patrick was quite successful at winning converts. And this fact upset the Celtic Druids. Patrick was arrested several times, but escaped each time. He traveled throughout Ireland, establishing monasteries across the country. He also set up schools and churches which would aid him in his conversion of the Irish country to Christianity.

His mission in Ireland lasted for thirty years. After that time, Patrick retired to County Down. He died on March 17 in AD 461. That day has been commemorated as St. Patrick's Day ever since.

Much Irish folklore surrounds St. Patrick's Day. Not much of it is actually substantiated.

Some of this lore includes the belief that Patrick raised people from the dead. He also is said to have given a sermon from a hilltop that drove all the snakes from Ireland. Of course, no snakes were ever native to Ireland, and some people think this is a metaphor for the conversion of the pagans. Though originally a Catholic holy day, St. Patrick's Day has evolved into more of a secular holiday.

One traditional icon of the day is the shamrock. And this stems from a more bona fide Irish tale that tells how Patrick used the three-leafed shamrock to explain the Trinity. He used it in his sermons to represent how the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit could all exist as separate elements of the same entity. His followers adopted the custom of wearing a shamrock on his feast day.

The St. Patrick's Day custom came to America in 1737. That was the first year St. Patrick's Day was publicly celebrated in this country, in Boston.

Today, people celebrate the day with parades, wearing of the green, and drinking beer. One reason St. Patrick's Day might have become so popular is that it takes place just a few days before the first day of spring. One might say it has become the first green of spring.

Playing with Meanings

-- Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
-- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
-- A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
-- Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
-- A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
-- A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
-- Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly,"I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
-- An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
-- Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
-- A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
-- I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
-- I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
-- A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
-- I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
-- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
-- What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
-- A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

(from an email)

I Do Not

If you were wondering....here is a list of things I do not do.
Why a list of things I don't do? Because I have nothing else to blog about today. Why? Because it's just one of those blah days. [aka Mondaaaay]
Oh, and why am I spelling the words differently?
Well, because I can. And you can't stop me. Hah.

I do not:

1) Type with my fingers on the right keys. This will catch up with me one day, but for now, I'm fine. The homerow keys and I do not get along.

2) Like to drink out of cups unless they have a straw. You can ask any of my friends. I like to have a bridge between my mouth and the cup. You know, the cup that countless mouths have touched. Yeah, that cup.

3) Wear Make Up. I think I have talked about this before, but it just bothers me. I hate make up, and it annoys me when women will not go into public without make up.

4) Want to grow up.

5) Care of you think I am a nerd. Why? Because I know I am. I'll be the first to tell you that. So I already knew that. Hah.

6) Speed. Ok, Ok...I go like 5 or 10 over on the interstate. But...I that they won't ticket you if you're going 10 over on a highway. And I only do that if I'm in a hurry. Other than that, I sit right at 70-ish when I'm on the interstate. (People who drive fast make me extreeeeemely nervous...and if I'm riding with you, and you make me nervous...I'll let you know.)

7) Like it when people wake me up. I'm a nice person. Really, I am. But I'm not nice when someone wakes me up. There's a scowl on my face that would scare a robber away. [Sorry in advance if I am ever mean to you in the morning.]

8) Understand why a teleportation device has not been invented yet. I'm just sayin' that it would be much much better for meeee if someone could invent that. Please and Thank you.
Ok, I do not know what else to say...without boring everyone to death, that is.

Nose Tickles and other Embarrassments

For the past few days I have had this annoying tickle on the edge of my left nostril (that would be my left external nare.) It is driving me nuts, I forget about it and then it will be there and I will think to myself 'Is it a flakey boogar? Is it a nose hair grown wild?' It always happens when I am talking to someone I don't know well enough to ask if I have a boogar or an extra long nose hair, or some place I can't pull out my mirror and have a good look. I just have to sniff sniff sniff and hope that no one else notices it. On a side note, do you ever get those crazy long white hairs that sometimes grow out of your chin. One day I will be unable to brush a hair off my face and then I will realize that it is attached. "How long has it been there?" I always wonder if they some how magically grow over night or if all my friends have been watching it grow over the weeks, wondering when I will finally pluck it. And finally, I spit a lot when I talk to people I'm uncomfortable with. Especially ones who want to invade my personal bubble. I'm like, "Back Up, man. I need space for my spit to fly!"

Disgusting Truth of Your Life

WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH

During an hour's swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/12 liter of urine.

In an average day your hands will have come
into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles etc.)

An average person's yearly fast food intake
will contain 12 pubic hairs.

In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects
- while you slept!

Annually you will shake hands with 11 women
who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

Annually you will shake hands with 6 men who
have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

Daily you will breath in 1 liter of other
peoples' anal gases.

The average person burps about fifteen times a day—generally a little more than they fart. Since belching is just another way of breaking wind. Each volley of farts consists of about 9 percent carbon dioxide and 7 percent methane, two gases that contribute to global warming.

One serious study on the differences between the sexes concerning their eructation habits found that when fed the exact same food, women have more concentrated gas than men, or "a greater odor intensity."

The sweat that oozes from your pores is actually a weak version of pee, made up of the same components as urine: water, salts, and urea. It also contains a chemical that is the same as wasp poison, and another chemical that is similar to what skunks spray.

I found this very disturbing and scary. Makes me want to stay home and never ever shake hands with any one ever again. (from an email)

Character Traits

I learn best through making my own mistakes and I like to make them in private.

I don’t like being judged, and I hate being judged wrongly.

I don’t like public scenes and I don’t like to draw attention to myself unless I really have to.

I value my privacy.

I don’t seek fame in any way and try to avoid anyone who does.

I don’t like conflict, it makes me anxious and nervous and I avoid it at almost any cost.

I don’t give up on something if I think it is worthwhile.

My home is my sanctuary. If you call to sell me something I’ll decline politely and if you keep it up I will hang up.

I display good manners. I am courteous and polite.

I detest bad manners.

I like to help people and I like to please people.

I don’t gamble, drink, do drugs or smoke.

I’m very self critical.

I’m sometimes wracked with guilt.

Cooking

I am a relatively decent cook. Most of the feedback that I’ve received on my cooking tends to be fairly upbeat. This would, in large part, be due to the fact that the audience I cater to is quite lenient a judge, has no fancy tastes and is rather partial toward me. In other words, I’m the only one who eats what I cook.
I don’t really like cooking for others. I feel there’s too much pressure to get it right. This is why I like to put up a disclaimer before I start to cook anything, saying “This will not taste anything like what you expect it to. If you are still okay with eating it, let me know now, otherwise I am counting you out.” Most people wisely choose to abstain. Besides no one can ever be really sure exactly what someone like me might slip into the dish, and since most people I know avoid—almost religiously—some item of food or the other, they wouldn’t want to risk eating anything coming from my hands. All this, of course, suits me just fine. I cook, I eat.
I find cooking to be somewhat boring. I cook almost exclusively because I have to eat and am too broke or too lazy to order in or go out. So if I have to cook, here’s what I do—I pretend like I’m hosting my own little cook show. I imagine there’s a studio audience in front of me, three or four cameras around the place, a nice little hat on my head (still imagining, I don’t wear one for real!) and maybe even a surprise guest every so often. Sometimes I’ll pretend like I’m the guest on someone else’s show.
So as I’m throwing in the ingredients, I’ll look up and speak to the audience. I’ll try to do different accents on different days, just to make things a little more interesting. I like to toss the stuff in the pan up in the air every now and then. These days, it often falls right back in too! (Who says I can’t learn!)
Then, when it’s all ready and over I’ll sample it. It normally tastes worse than dog turds in mud, but I’ll somehow manage to put a brave, almost satisfied, expression on my face and go, “Wow! That is just simply dee-li-cious!”
I figure I’m a good showman but a bad cook. Heck, isn’t that exactly what they need for these shows? Maybe, I should apply for one. Hmmm.

10 Rules to Live By

1. You can be thin and wrinkly or you can another piece of cake and fluff those things out.

2. You can't shine a turd.

3. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

4. I'm not crazy; I'm just a sane person trapped in the body of a lunatic.

5. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

6. Be careful of the toes you step on today as they may be connected to the a$$ you have to kiss tomorrow.

7. Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

8. If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.

9. There are two theories to arguing with women, neither one works.

10. Never take life seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway.

Monday Trivia

1.The average person has 1,460 dreams a year. That's four a night.

2. American tables are set with salt and pepper, in Hungary it's salt and paprika.

3. Birth of the dimpled ball: Golfers noticed that old, dented balls flew farther than new ones.

4. Doctors in ancient China were paid when patients were healthy, not sick.

5. The world's rarest matchbook, issued after Charles Lindbergh's Atlantic flight, is worth $4,000.

6. President Clinton's feet (size 13C) are the biggest presidential feet since Woodrow Wilson's.

7. First American to have plumbing installed in his home: Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 1840.

8. The first sound recording ever made was, "Mary Had a Little Lamb," by Tom Edison in 1877.

9. Istanbul, which sits half in Europe and half in Asia, is the only city on two continents.

10. Japan reportedly has far fewer flush toilets than any other modern industrialized nation.

Old too soon smart too late

The older I get the more I learn about myself. My relationship with my Mom has always been a strained one and I never understood why. I want everyone to be absolutely certain and without a doubt that I love my mom. However, I can only like her as much as she will let me. There's that learning thing...as much as she will let me... She's never been very forgiving, loving, happy or friendly for that matter.
I like being happy. That's where the learning comes in. I can't live to please someone that doesn't want to be pleased. I have learned to surround myself with people and things that make ME happy.

Forgiveness is not pretending it didn't happen; Forgiveness is letting go and learning to live freely. enough said

Things parents say

You can whine about it until the cows come home..

"Eat the meat and spit out the bones" which means take in the good parts of what people say and forget about the bad stuff.

Make sure your brain was in gear before engaging your mouth.

"I hope you have children just like you."

"Say what you mean and mean what you say"

"You make a better door than a window!"

Were you born in a barn? shut the door.

"Remember, practice makes closer to Adequate."

No good deed goes unpunished.

Don't borrow trouble. There's enough to worry about today

"You need to pull up another dog" ( When I told my grandma I was cold )

If it's not one thing, it's two

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

A smart person learns from their mistakes. A REALLY smart person learns from other people's mistakes.

"This is why we can't go nice places"

You have champagne taste on a beer income.

"What other people think about you is none of your business."

What part of no don’t you understand?

I don’t care who started it.

Wait till your father gets home.

Your face is going to freeze like that.

Your hands are not broken, or Your arms are not tied.

No one ever said life is fair.

I don’t know is NOT an answer.

Because I said so.

( This post was inspired by Bobby G's blog yesterday.)

Jake

So I watched The Bachelor Finale Monday night. ( that was 3 hours of my life that I will never get back ) I was really into this reality show and watched every episode. I was rooting for Ella but Jakey booted her so I had to choose between Tenley and Vienna. I wanted him to pick Tenley but I knew he would go for Vienna. That moment on the boat when he was trying to find the words to tell Tenley she just did not do “it” for him. I knew he was going to go for Trailer Park girl. This Bachelor did not impress me. He was a blubbering drama queen. I think he is a douche and he and Vienna make a great couple...and now he is going to be on Dancing with the Stars. It would be great if they need a replacement and call Tenley.
I am not sure about Ali being the next Bachelorette. She's whiny and a bit of a dingbat. I was really hoping they would bring Jake out to talk to her on the after show, but they didn't. I wanted him to be all "You broke my heart and dumped me for your job...then you quit that bitch to be the Bachelorette?" Sniffles. You know his ego is bruised just a little by that move!

Precious

I finally figured out a way to get myself out of having to tell a small fib..you know the kind that you feel bad about...such as, "Do you like my hair?" or "Here's a picture of my baby girl, Precious Poopsie". From now on, my answer will always be something like, "Ain't it precious?" or "She's so precious?" I'm not much up on the southern slang but I figure if I can add just a slight twang to it, it will sound believable. So, today, I vow that when someone asks if I tasted their new fangled concoction that tasted like hay, I will say, "I sure did and it sure was precious!" Even one better, when I really want to make it sound believable, I'm going to add the word "SO" to it. For example, "Didn't you notice? I got a boob job?" My answer, "That's SO precious!"
But while I'm on the subject, have you ever been straight out honest and told someone the truth? Like, for instance, they tried out a new recipe on you and your response was, "This is crap! I can't eat this!!!" I just can't bring myself to do that.
One time, the very first time I had dinner with my in laws, now outlaws since they are my ex's parents....his mom served green bean casserole. Lord, I hate Green bean casserole . It tastes like cow poop on a stick!!! Anyway, instead of me telling her that I hated it, she fixed my plate full of them little manure patties. So, I ate them. I didn't chew them. I swallowed them. Whole!!! My throat hurt for two days after that. Ewwwwww!!!!!!!!
The moral of the story is that when it comes down to hurting someone's feelings, always head towards the "Ain't it precious?" statement but when it comes to eating manure like vegetables, be honest! Hell naw, I'm not eating green bean casserole! I'd rather eat toe jam fresh from the bottom of a boy's locker room!!!

Tiger Part Deux

It has been reported that both President Obama and Bill Clinton have called Tiger in rehab. (Clinton called for numbers IMHO) Why would they support a guy who has little to NO self control and thinks he can do what ever he wants? I wonder if they also called Elin and see how she is doing dealing with with the heartbreak and public humiliation of being cheated on!! The man cheated on his wife and children. It is sad but unfortunately a common practice in this world. He owes NO ONE with the exception of his wife...an apology. He is paid to play golf and entertain those that like that sport. He is not paid to be a great husband or father. I hope that he can salvage his marriage and get comprehensive therapy so that he can address the underlying problem of infidelity.

THE END

Sickening

I have almost given up on the news. It is so sad and scary anymore. Today in the paper I came across this..click here. A pediatrician molested children during doctor visits! And once again makes I wonder what is happening to the people in this world. Why is it becoming harder and harder for us to know who we can trust. And what makes it even worse is when there are reports made and investigations that are supposed to be done and yet people like this don't get punished. Well now he's been caught and they have 13 hours of video of him assaulting these innocent children so now he had better pay the price for this, and I hope and pray I never read or hear about the day that this man is walking freely among us again!!
It also made me think when I heard about this where were the parents that took the kids to the doctor?? Well Dr. Earl Bradley would take the child on a brief visit to the basement or a nearby outbuilding, ostensibly to fetch one of the post-exam toys he was famous for giving his patients. I know that when my children were little and went for visits they did not spend time alone with the doctor I think this should be a wake up call to parents all over the world.

I would really like to look at the news and read about the GOOD people in this world because its really scary knowing we live among monsters like this!

In like a lion out like a lamb

Before global warming, *wink* it was quite usual for February to be a cold month, so that March would often arrive on a cold, blustery wind, roaring like a lion. But the natural succession of seasons means that things are warming up during March, and the end of March is warmer and quieter, and, lamb-like, smoothly segues into the gentle month of April. That used to be the case in temperate climates, but nowadays, who knows? I couldn't find an origin. Just that it is a "proverb."

Here are a few more March expressions some you may recognize and some might be new to you. You will notice that I left out “Kiss me I am Irish”.

It was also thought that the weather in March could be an indication of what was to come: "So many mists in March, so many frosts in May."

"On the first of March, crows begin to search" refers to the tradition that crows begin pairing on this day.

The proverbial phrase "mad as a March hare" has a similar origin: a "March hare" is a brown hare in the breeding season, noted for its leaping, boxing, and chasing in circles.

But perhaps the strongest literary and historical association of the month is not with the weather, but with the "ides", or middle day of the month, in the ancient Roman calendar. Julius Caesar, who in Shakespeare's play unwisely ignores the soothsayer's warning, "Beware the Ides of March!", was murdered on the Ides (15th) of March in a conspiracy led by Brutus and Cassius.