Top Ten Worst Lines From Obituaries

10. "Harold died after a long, hard-fought battle with self-loathing."
9. "Barbara Harris went to meet her Lord and Savior this morning, assuming that her last-minute prayers worked."
8. "Our mother was born in Georgia, which Wikipedia tells us is either in Asia or near Florida."
7. "He was a confirmed bachelor, but totally not gay."
6. "She is survived by her husband Richard, who is now looking for companionship and casual sex. Please, no fatties."
5. "Daniel Connors, 23, died unexpectedly at his home on Thursday afternoon. (Surprisingly, it wasn't suicide.)"
4. "Funeral services will be held Saturday morning at 10:30, at which time the homes of the people listed above will be unoccupied and vulnerable to burglary."
3. "Frank enjoyed spending time with his grandchildren and great-grandchildren, but couldn't stand his great-great-grandchildren."
2. "In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the obituaries editor of this newspaper. In cash."
1. "She was a loving mother, a devoted wife, and an unrepentant murderer."