Disclaimer

The author is not responsible for anything/anyone on this page that could disturb/destroy the sanity of the creature visiting it. Any complaints may be addressed to their own local quack/doctor and the author is NOT responsible for the medical bills resulting. Consequences of reckless acts such as reading the page backwards, selecting view-source and attempting to memorize its contents or anything subject to the reader's fantasy will have to be suffered by the visitor alone. If you are breaking any laws in your planet/country (including those laid down by your dad, mom, husband, yourself) I don't give a damn. The views and opinions expressed in this blog are those of mine unless otherwise stated. Now try reading this backwards, skipping every third letter.

This is happening in our country right now!!!!

We Must Stop This Immediately!
Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection.well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the interstate in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices?
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually 'believe' the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!
All I can do is pass along this warning:
WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!
Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities..
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!
PS: I am posting this in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer's fonts - they are smaller than they once were.

John Edwards

Today I heard the news that Elizabeth Edwards has left her husband. My first thought was why did it take so long. Then after thinking it over, I thought why did he not “Man up” and have the gonads to walk away?? Why did he let her be the one to do it? She didn't do anything wrong. She had breast cancer and is in the fight of her life. Then she was diagnosed with bone cancer. She has to deal with herself and help her children adjust to the fact that mom won't always be here. Why does she then have to deal with her cheating, baby making husband and his mistress? And you know she has to deal with his mistress and that child.
I have no respect for a Man who can make a baby and then deny it. I don't care what kind of career you have. You made your bed, you lay in it. Then to top it off, not only did you step out of your marriage, you didn't even use protection. How much more disrespectful can you be to your wife?
Sure there are some women who deal with it for whatever reason. I'm not sure why. I've heard some say there's too much invested between the two of them. Whether that investment is money or the kids, whatever. Did John Edwards hear the part "Forsaking All Others" or was that not in the vows?
Maybe we could say for Elizabeth that Love Is Crazy. Love will make you do some things you thought you'd never do. She stayed for whatever reasons that only she will understand and I respect her for that. But I'm glad she decided that the more and more this stays in the news the more this is going to affect her health.
My message to John, "Why couldn't you be the big boy and go". Why do we hurt the ones we profess to love?

This is a quiz for people who know everything!

I found out in a hurry that I didn't.
These are not trick questions.
They are straight questions with straight answers.

There are only nine questions

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ' dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7.. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar.

Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'

Answers To Quiz:

1... The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing.

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls .
(The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.)
3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry..

5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle.
The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

6. Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle...

7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe,question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce.

9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S': Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

(Thanks Joe)

Got Twinkle?

LIfe

Life is what you make of it, I think. If you want to be happy, you can be happy. It's a matter of want. I've know people who have terrible tragedies to cope with and yet keep a smile on their face. They are happy people and deserve their senior moments. Other people are old before their time and some people are rich and healthy and still not happy. With age comes a contentment, doesn't it, but it's not complacency, it is real contentment. The ability to be happy in one's own skin, even if it is getting a bit saggy. Have a great day today. Dance like a gazelle and sing like a lark and keep your smile going strong.

To Do

As if I don't have enough to do already, what with breathing and everything,It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these, but I’m quickly learning that the older I get, the more forgetful I get.

Who are you, again?

Nevermind.

Basically, if I don’t write it down, chances are it’s not going to be bought, cleaned, dropped off, picked up, returned, or fed.

Besides, writing stuff down like this kind of makes me feel accountable to myself. So, in the event I blow off anything on this list, I hereby give myself permission to take me to task and publicly humiliate me.

However, I’m totally open to looking the other way in exchange for a donut.

Just in case I’m listening.

Who am I again?

Nevermind.

My To Do list:

• I need to get the interiors of my closets painted. I’m sick and tired of facing the old depressing, dingy, flat, ugly paint every time I hang up a coat or put away my groceries or store my towels. I need to paint my closets a nice, bright, cheery white that actually makes me want to open their doors and feed them.
• I need to find pretty pails or buckets or baskets and fill them with bathroom cleaning supplies and then put one in each of my bathrooms. I’m betting that if I eliminate half the work involved in cleaning a bathroom (i.e., running up and down the stairs to the laundry room to fetch and return the toilet bowl cleaner) and keep the supplies replenished and handy, there’s a greater chance that the bathrooms might actually be cleaned more often.
• I need to put our Christmas wreath away. It’s been hanging on front door since last November. Then again, if I choose to ignore it as I have for the past month, I won’t have to drag my ass up to the store room and hunt for it the day after Thanksgiving. I’m mulling it over. Mulling, mulling …
• I need to boot up Excel and create a working outline for my mid-life crisis which I’ve tentatively scheduled for next spring, provided the plastic surgeon is back from vacation, the machine shop has fabricated my stripper pole and the tattoo artist has created my custom ink by then.
• I need a blog redesign. Or I need to pay someone to do it for me. Which brings me to my final item:
• I need to win the lottery.

So what’s on your to-do list?

Complex Statements for the Simple Minded

• What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds?
• Exaggeration is not all it's cracked up to be.
• Evil is not all bad.
• Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness (or, It's hard to tell if someone is inconspicuous).
• As far as I'm concerned, treachery will sometimes bring loyalty into question.
• He doesn't have much of a reputation, or so I've heard.
• Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface.
• Don't be redundant by repeating yourself.
• Grammar has gots to be one of the most importantest things ever?
• Some people type so fast that forget to include
• When all is said and done, much more is said than done

BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD BEFORE

You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.

There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at everything.
You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
You slice your tongue licking an envelope.
Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.
You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.
The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.
A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling.
You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7 p.m. Instead of 7 a.m.
People behind you on a super-market line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.
You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.
You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.
You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it.
You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.

Character

I pretend to be thick skinned but I’m extremely sensitive. I’m easily hurt. I cry all too easily, but there’s a good chance you’ll never ever see it.

I don’t like being judged, and I hate being judged wrongly.

I care what people think of me, including strangers – and I’m annoyed that I care what people think of me. I hate for anyone to think ill of me.

I don’t like the anticipation of direct conflict and I don’t seek it out. I get nervous and anxious.

I can be vindictive and I enjoy seeing people get their just rewards.

I’ve given money to needy strangers.

I’m dependable.

I’m funny (when I’m in the mood) and I enjoy coarse or clever humor and a bad pun always makes me laugh.

I’m honest.

I’m self critical.

I’m generous.

I’m shy.

I’m empathetic.

I believe I am a good and decent person in spite of my faults.

I am a character.

Things I won’t do.

Life is short, and I’m all about being adventurous and trying new things…or continuing to do the things that work for you.
However, there are a few things I will never do, and I thought I’d devote today’s blog to those things that aren’t going to happen:
1. Sky dive. I don’t think any explanation is needed here. I already have a severe phobia of planes – and heights – so I don’t think you’ll see me jumping out of a plane any time soon. Kudos to those who have done this. I salute you.
2. Bungee Jump. It’s just like sky-diving, only with whiplash at the end. That doesn't sound like much fun to me.
3. Get another tattoo. The first one hurt plenty, and it ain't going anywhere. One is enough.
4. Scuba dive. I have an irrational fear of being underwater I admire people who can do this - but it will never be me.
5. Shop at Wal-Mart the day after Thanksgiving. I don’t care WHAT price the flat screen TV is. It would NEVER be worth it to me. I hate crowds.
6. Stop watching reality TV. Just gouge out my eyes the day I quit watching it.
7. Golf. As someone once said, “When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it.”
8. Win an Olympic Gold Medal. Or any Olympic medal, for that fact. Unless they give out Olympic medals for being the best, coolest fan.

Motivation

One of the hardest parts of COPD is staying motivated. COPD causes severe shortness of breath and that is just the hardest thing to deal with for me. Just going into the kitchen from my living room causes distress and the harder it is, the less I do it. The fear of the shortness of breath is profound. With COPD, the less you do, the less you can do.
This week I am going to motivate myself to do more. I need to get over the fear and back to the exhilaration that I feel when I am doing something good for myself. If I stay stagnant, I get depressed and it's even harder to do anything.
After COPD, I had the hardest time breathing because my pace hadn't slowed to accommodate the decreased lung function. When I get discouraged, I try to remember how far I've come. I have always been comfortable with being by myself, and prized my privacy. However, I had to let go of most of my privacy by allowing others to come into my home to help me. Every once in a while I have one of those days where I feel sorry for myself. My entire life I have been the strong one. But sometimes even strong people need understanding and help. I am so thankful for my family and friends who love and support me.

How the world works today.

If a man cuts his finger off while
Slicing salami at work,
He blames the restaurant.

If you smoke three packs a day
For 40 years and die of lung cancer,
Your family blames the
Tobacco company.

If your neighbor crashes
Into a tree while driving home drunk,
He blames the bartender.

If your grandchildren are
Brats without manners,
You blame television.

If your friend is shot by a
Deranged madman,
You blame the gun manufacturer..

And if a crazed person breaks
Into the cockpit and
Tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet,
And the passengers
Kill him instead,
The mother of the crazed deceased
Blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to
Understand the world
As it is anymore.
So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED ASS is parked in front of this computer,
I want all of you to
Blame Bill Gates.

Have a Good Weekend!

(thanks to Diane)

What if

I went to the doctor today, I must do so every few months so the powers that be are sure I am deserving of my Medicare: that I did not have a miraculous healing or anything. I get so stressed and uptight at the thought of going that I actually shake. I have no idea why I am like this. Today Dr. W said it my anxiety was part of my COPD. Another stress point was getting my blood pressure taken. I am happy to report that it was within an acceptable range. Also, they insisted I get weighed.. OMG. .. So this set me to thinking: What if society assigned no judgment to your weight? What if actresses weren’t pressured to be a preposterous size 0 and the only criteria for models was the ability to radiate beauty from within? What if your weight held no more significance than the randomly assigned numbers on your license plate?
How much do you think you would weigh?
I bet most of us would still be within a few pounds of the number we saw on the scales this morning.
How much time do you spend thinking about how fat you are, talking about how fat you are, planning mealtime strategies, feeling guilty over cheating on yet another diet, lamenting about your inability to just get out there and exercise, dammit…
What if you didn’t have to worry about that anymore? Imagine how liberating that would feel--wouldn't that be quite a WEIGHT off your shoulders?
Maybe we’d be a few pounds less than the number we saw on the scales this morning.
What do you think?

Giving

I'm sure, by now, everyone reading this has heard, read or seen the news about the incredibly devastating earthquake in Haiti. This massive quake, which has possibly left well over one-hundred thousand dead, is only the most recent in a long series of natural disasters which have, in part, given Haiti the recognition as the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Reports are saying that thousands of people are, right now, still alive, trapped in the rubble of fallen buildings. And, with the absence of electricity, clean water and medical supplies, the death toll could rise dramatically in the next several days unless dramatic action is taken.

To join with me to support the relief efforts in Haiti, here are a few ways:

To donate $10.00 to the Red Cross simply simply type in the word ‘HAITI’ on your mobile device and send it to 90999. You will be charged on your phone bill. 100% goes to Haiti.

To find organizations sending directly to Haiti Earthquake relief, go to http://www.interaction.org/crisis-list/earthquake-haiti

• American Red Cross
• www.redcross.org
• Americares
• www.americares.org
• Mercy Corps
• donate.mercycorps.org
• Save the Children
• www.savethechildren.org
• World Vision www.worldvision.org
• Doctors Without Borders doctorswithoutborders.org

Not just another crappy list

1. There's no such thing as nonexistence.

2. I'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity.

3. I disagree with unanimity.

4. One should never generalize.

5. A Plateau is the highest form of flattery.

6. An oral contract isn't worth the paper its written on.

7. If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure.

8. Rehab is for quitters!

9. There are only three kinds of people; people who can count and people who can't.

10. Not only am I redundant & superfluous, but I also tend to use more words than necessary.

Questions and Answers

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy
women who are interested
in them?

A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that
menopause is mentioned in
the bible... Is that true?
Where can it be found?

A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt ."

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-60
year-old husband?

A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep More soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?

A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: "Gosh, I remember these!"

SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor, RIGHT?

Today's word: "mondegreen"

I often feel like such a slacker, like by the time I find out about something, it’s soooo last week. That’s what happened with a movie site that I think is freakin’ awesome. Man, when I got turned on to that site, I shouted its praises from the rooftops, only to be met with, “Oh, yeah. that site is cool.” So I guess I’m the last person on earth to hear of the word “mondegreen.”
Dictionary.com defines mondegreen (pronounced mon-di-green) as “a word or phrase resulting from a misinterpretation of a word or phrase that has been heard.” American writer Sylvia Wright coined the term in an essay “The Death of Lady Mondegreen,” published in November 1954 in Harper’s Magazine. Referring to a 17th century poem that her mother read aloud to her as a child, the author tells how she misinterpreted the line "And laid him on the green" as “And Lady Mondegreen.”
My mother told me how when she was a kid, she misheard people referring to “the chest of drawers” as “the Chester drawers.” When my son was small, he thought a local newscaster went by the hip nickname “The Heat is On” until he was old enough to read and was shocked to see the name on the television screen was “Benita Zahn.”
Mondegreens often result from misinterpreted song lyrics, and they can be quite entertaining. My favorite mondegreen is the classic “There’s a bathroom on the right,” the line at the end of each verse of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Bad Moon Rising.” And of course we all wondered what was going on with Jimi Hendrix when he shouted, “’Scuse me while I kiss this guy!”
Both Creedence's lead singer,John Fogerty, and Hendrix eventually capitalized on their fans’ poor hearing (or was it their own inability to e-nun-ci-ate?) and deliberately sang the mondegreen versions of their songs in concert. Alone in the car, I always sing “There’s a bathroom on the right”; it’s simply more fun that way.
I had my own mondegreen version of a few songs.. here is one

“He is trampling down the village where the great giraffe is stored.''

“Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm 6 feet 4?''

Eric Clapton's “living on Tulsa time'' as “living on toast and wine,'' which is very Clapton indeed.

How about you? Any fun mondegreens to share? And did you even know there was such a word?

burden

I sometimes feel like a “burden”

The fact is smoking has taken years off my life. However non-smokers that live longer cost society more. Studies show smokers die about 10 years earlier than non - smokers, with our premature deaths providing a huge savings to Medicare Social Security, private pension plans and more. I worked all my life and paid in way more than I will ever collect. I get that people consider what I did to myself as dumb and stupid, but do they get that I know it? I mean come on how could I not know? No need to look down on me because I am a bit slower to move out of your way, I understand you have very important things to do, while I am just hanging around sucking up space and air. Please try to treat me with dignity and kindness, I do not like to feel like a burden to Society. I am paying my way and always have.

Definition of: Burden

Function: noun

1 a : something that is carried : load b : duty, responsibility
2 : something oppressive or worrisome
3 a : the bearing of a load —usually used in the phrase beast of burden b : capacity for carrying cargo <a ship of a hundred tons burden>
4 : load 11 <worm burden> <cancer burden>

Complex Statements

1. On one hand, I'm indecisive; but on the other, I'm not.
2. Cooperation can only be reached if we work together.
3. I have my doubts about disbelief.
4. Avoid clichés like the plague.
5. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
6. The shortest distance between two points is how far apart they are.
7. I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn't enough anxiety in my life.
8. I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.
9. Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.
10. Prejudiced people are all alike.

Global Warming

Dear Mr. AlGore,

I have an issue with you, it is about this global warming problem. I have done a few things to help. I have changed all my light bulbs to those cute curly florescent ones. I reuse my grocery bags for trash. Turn downed my thermostat to save heating fuel. And I own some energy star efficient appliances. I am staying home more to save on pollution and gas. And my next car just might be a Prius. So you can see I have been working with you on this global warming thing.

So with all this hard work I've been doing............

THE WORLD IS NOW IN DANGER OF ANOTHER ICE AGE!!

I think I'd rather go back to the warming thing, if you don't mind. So from here on out, I will not be complying with your pleas to stop contributing to the greenhouse gases and such.

Also, I would like to take this time to thank you soooo much for inventing the internet. It is such a useful tool and I have been able to reconnect with friends, shop, send pictures to my brother, look up anything, buy anything on Ebay, watch movies online and all kinds of other really neat stuff. You have changed my life twice, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Sincerely,

MsNkRey

Am I lost?

I don’t feel like talking to people anymore. Or maybe I have run out of topics. Maybe people also don’t find much to talk with me.

I’ve become boring.

I’ve become one-dimensional. I don’t believe I should do what everyone else is doing. I’m running out of options and independent thoughts.

I have my focus, yet I am losing focus. And strangely there is a lack of an objective of what to focus on.

I am not able to follow my head or my heart. I’m hanging somewhere in between.

I know what I can do. I know I don’t even have an inkling what all I can achieve. I feel as though I am cutting myself off from the world.

I’m not in a negative mood. Trust me when I say that. I’m positive.

I’m too engrossed in thinking all I can’t do at times that I forget I can also do something.

It’s not an adolescent rant. I’m way past that. It’s more of an adult child speaking where I’ve suddenly lost myself, where I suddenly find confusion.

I know who I am. Few people do. My fault is I don’t know when to come out of the shell.

My life has been a painful journey.

I feel lonely some of the time. And yet sometime my solitude is bliss.

I have dreams of my own which I share with no one. I’d love to fulfill them. But then they require lots of energy, and I haven’t had much energy lately.

I feel I’m a letdown at times, both to myself and to my family.

I used to be a joker at times. Even now I am one, but in a different way. I’d love to be one for life.

And I feel I’m lost …

Just for Today

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them!'

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle.' An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's

4. Enjoy the simple things

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help

9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity

(I got this in an email and I loved it so much I thought I would share it)

Feeling Stupid?

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius.

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ."
-- Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances. "
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Feeling smarter yet?

(from an email)

Good Morning

Did you know that Research has shown health benefits of laughter ranging from strengthening the immune system to reducing food cravings, to increasing your threshold for pain. Humor also has several important stress relieving benefits. Laughter reduces the level of stress hormones. It also increases the level of health-enhancing hormones like endorphins. Laughter increases the number of antibody-producing cells and enhances the effectiveness of T cells. All this means a stronger immune system, as well as fewer physical effects of stress. Some of the benefits of laughing
Physical Release: It provides a good workout for the heart.
Distraction: Laughter brings the focus away from anger, guilt, stress, and negative emotions.
Perspective: Humor can give us a more lighthearted perspective and help us view events as 'challenges', thereby making them less threatening and more positive.
Social Benefits of Laughter: Laughter connects us with others. Also, laughter is contagious, so if you bring more laughter into your life, you can most likely help others around you to laugh more, and realize these benefits as well. By elevating the mood of those around you, you can reduce their stress levels, and perhaps improve the quality of social interaction you experience with them, reducing your stress level even more!

So considering the fact there seems to be so much negative going on in the world around me, I see it and read it everywhere sometimes it feels like I can't escape it. I might not be able to do much to change the happenings of the world but I can do something about myself. Laugh more, it feels good and it makes those around me feel better. That’s a very easy way to try to help make life around me a little bit better. And it’s healthy for me too!!!!!!

I wonder

If it really hurts when that terrorist loser pees now.He shouldn’t be too hard on himself, when they said go blow up your package, they should have been more specific.

If baby carrots are really little oompa loompa fingers?

If those who judge others will burn in Hell?

Why prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

If some people are superficial, or maybe that's just on the surface.

Is all the free advice I get worth what I paid for it?

If I can't define irony; but, will I know it when I see it?

Why if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s intolerance?

If this new year will be kinder to us all.

If science will spend less money screwing around growing longer thicker eye lashes and find a cure for cancer?

Happy New Year