It is so cold:

1. we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
2. hitchhikers are holding up pictures of thumbs!
3. roosters are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
4. I chipped a tooth on my soup!
5. words freeze in the air. If you want to hear what someone said, you have to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire!
6. only guys with names like "Al" and "Ed" had time to write their names in the snow.
7. instead of the "finger" - people rudely give you the "mitt".
8. my porch thermometer reads "Ouch"!
9. I saw an Amish man buying an electric blanket.
10. Peecicles. Need I say more?