Alone

This disease has helped me find courage with in myself, that I did not know I possessed. When I was diagnosed I was scared to death. I was divorced, lived alone, and no insurance, my kids had all married and moved on with their lives. One of my worst fears is becoming a problem or burden to my children, either physically or financially. Getting approval for Social Security disability was extremely hard on me. I went to my initial application meeting to find it was on the second floor and there was no elevator. It took me a while to climb those stairs but I did it, ignoring the pitying looks from others in the building. I took a letter from my personal Doctor, along with some other documents. From there on I was sent for test after test. One in particular was quite painful, and messy. It was a blood test of some sort where they went down deep for an artery blood draw. Hurt like hell, it seeped blood for too long and affected the use of my arm for several days. Not to mention that I had a bruise the size of Texas. I even had to visit and be evaluated by a psychiatrist. All during this time I felt discouraged and disgraced. I had never asked for or accepted help before. But after about 6 months I got approved and on my first try. I want to say that all the people I had contact with at Social Security were very nice and kind to me. Then I had to deal with feeling guilty about getting something for nothing. (Social security that I had paid into all my working life) it took me a couple years to get over that feeling. (I never said it made sense) With that money coming in and the inventory from my video store which I sold on eBay, I had enough to take care of myself and for the first time in my life I was doing that and doing it well I think. And now I summon up all my courage and stick a smile on my face and keep on keeping on. There is life in this old gal yet.