So I got this letter……

I must really be close to dying. Today I got a letter from a local funeral home.

Complete with questionnaire and a postage paid return envelope. It tells me that the funeral industry is changing rapidly. (Should I hurry and die?) And I can help them by filling out this questionnaire and returning it to them. My answers will determine where they should focus their future time and resources. All my answers are confidential and because I fill out the survey, they offer me a free Personal Arrangement Guide. How lucky am I? Their questions are pretty straight forward. They want to know my age group, (I wrote in my age as OLD), my current employment status, (too old to work), if I have ever made arrangements for a loved one? (I have). Do I read the obits in the paper? (yes it is the only reason I get the paper) do I own cemetery property?, (actually I do with my first ex husband), do I want to donate my organs?, (not yet I kind of like to keep them for awhile), how much do I want to pay for my funeral?, (the sky is the limit I have lived cheap all my life I want to out in style), do I want my loved ones to have follow up care? OMG and on and on it goes. In my mind I can picture the funeral home employees quietly walking the halls of the local nursing homes waiting for work.

Now I know I am going to die. We all are. But I resent getting this crap in the mail.

I am a grown adult woman and if I want to prepay my funeral expenses I will do it.

Do not send me your crap because I sure as hell won’t use your services now. I find this sort of trolling for customers very insulting.

Oh and the last line is: "This questionnaire is a general mailing. Delivery to a grieving or convalescing family members is purely unintentional."

They forgot to include a tape measure so I could make sure I would fit.