Today I am just flat bone tired and weary. I don’t often get like this but it has been a very rainy week with abnormal high humidity and that makes the air heavy and so very hard to breathe. I don’t like to feel like this. It just happens. I would like to scream and cry but that makes me short of breath so I don’t. I hate this and I hate that I whine. This causes me stress and stress causes even more shortness of breath. I try not to use my rescue inhaler as it gives me such painful muscle spasms. (This is on my list of questions for my next doctor’s visit.) Today is the first day of the rest of my life, as the saying goes and I am trying not to waste it whining and crying about my lot in life. I am not a kid any more and when I look in the mirror the person who looks back at me in the mirror startles me, because she does not look like I think she should. She is so used and old looking. I want to enjoy life in this forced retirement of mine. Maybe I should carry a sign that says, “Beware, Danger, old sick person, falling apart, brain dead!” I will not apologize for my existence and I am not a liability. This is a long, ever changing experience and I intend to enjoy it to the best of my ability. Just not today.
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