So last week I went to the local small town Supermarket and it got me wondering:
What is it about grocery shopping that turns people into completely insensitive idiots It seems just walking in the door lowers your emotional and intellectual quotients by at least 30 points, which puts the average human being just above brain dead-status.
1. Parking: Depending on where you live and shop, this may or may not be a problem. Why, please tell me, are you willing to sit in a parking lot with no vacancies whatsoever and block other motor and pedestrian traffic for fifteen minutes just so you can park close to the store? I'll tell you why. You are lazy. You probably only live six blocks away and should have walked in the first place. If you had searched the surrounding neighborhoods, you would have been parked in two minutes, and you'd already be in the store
2. Cart traffic: Again, this one applies more to busy stores, but all stores nevertheless Now, let's pretend the store is a microcosm for big city traffic. On a given street, the moving cars tend to drive down the center, while the parked ones tend to remain on either side of the street. Although it is sometimes slow going, this tends to work rather well. It can work in a grocery store too, I swear. When an item catches your eye, kindly park your cart off the side of whichever aisle you happen to be on, and then peruse the object of your fancy.
3. Pulling from the back/bottom: Ah, the clever clever people who have the system down cold, who are hip to the game and proud of it, who wore their secret decoder rings and KNOW that the evil grocers actually ROTATE the product! Holy hell bunnies! You're a genius. The older product does tend to be on top or closer to the front of a given display, or "showing". This is good business for the store/company. It is smart. They are not trying to pull one over on you, really, I understand that you aren't stupid and that they can't fool you.
4. If you make a mess: Grocery stores have lots of stacks in them and are just as subject to the laws of gravity as any other place. Accidents, as well, may happen in stores. It isn't the person who knocks over the wine display or the cucumbers that really gets on a workers nerves, it is the one who does this then walks off. If you show a little initiative in helping to clean something up that YOU'VE spilled just don't pull a grocery hit and run.
5. Getting assistance: First come, first served, like at Mc Donald’s, you know?
6. Saying thank you: This is always appreciated and usually will evoke something along the lines of "you're welcome" or "sure, have a good afternoon," maybe even a smile god forbid. It's nice to say thank you to people who help you.
7. Hand Baskets at the check out stand: Empty them. It is easier for your cashier, trust me.
8. Produce Department and the "freshness" phenomenon: It is natural to desire fresh produce. Same goes for meat and seafood departments. They do their very best to pull bad stuff when they see it and keep the good stuff good. However, they DO NOT HAVE A FARM IN THE BACK OF THE STORE with cows and broccoli and chickens grazing. When you order a lobster at your favorite seafood restaurant, you don't assume that it walked out of the bay and jumped into a pot of boiling water of its own accord, do you? It's a fact, people; stuff is shipped frozen, on ice, in coolers, etc. Usually from central California, South and Central America, New Zealand, etc.
9. Paper or Plastic, the eternal question: I hereby decree that you have the right to choose whichever bag you like. You can bring your own if you want. Isn't that neat? DO NOT feel the need to justify your bag choice to anyone. No one CARES. When you say you choose plastic to pick up Fluffy's little presents off the sidewalk, or paper with handles because they're easy to carry AND better for the environment, I guarantee your cashier is either cursing you or yawning on the inside. Do you tell the Starbuck's coffee clerk you ordered a decaf because you have a heart condition? No, you do not. Because you know they don't give a flying crap. Same thing applies in grocery stores.
10. Payment methods: I realize how difficult it can be to operate those little debit terminals. It's like an IQ test, really, and most people tend to fail. Don't get frustrated or mad with your cashier because YOU are incompetent. They didn't design the machine, and yes, they agree, it's dumb that the machines are different everywhere you go. Just be patient, ask for assistance if you need it. It's a credit card machine, not a laptop. You can do it.
11. Cash is good always. Change diggers are generally accepted, although frowned upon if they do it slowly, which they generally do. Count your change at the counter, as mistakes can happen when one does hundreds of transactions everyday five or six days a week. Checks, people--if you're from Indiana, don't be surprised if the cashier pays a little bit more attention to your I.D. or simply won't accept it. Don't be mad either. You can't blame a person for wanting to cover his or her own butt and not get fired.
12. And last but not least, it isn't anyone's fault but your own or your silly-ass bank's if your card does not go through... In fact, if you think about it, you should be apologizing to me and the other people in line behind you for not having that money. But you usually don't, do you?
Please bring your brain to the supermarket next time. They appreciate it. (So do I standing in line behind you) Thanks, and have a nice day!
