It's War

So I noticed a couple of days ago that I was being host to some ants. The poor guys were just trying to keep dry... SO I set out some nice motels for them thinking they'd enjoy that. Hmmm, apparently they enjoyed it so much that while I gone they called 1,000,000,000 of their bestest friends. I came home to find a closely knit trail about 10 ants wide leading from my kitchen door to the recycling, then by the trash can, the kitchen sink, across the kitchen, by the fridge, up the fridge, down the fridge, across the kitchen, up the cabinet, into the silverware drawer, out of the silverware drawer, down the cabinet, into the hallway, ALL THE WAY DOWN THE HALLWAY into the bathroom, onto my bathroom cabinet, off of the cabinet, under the scale, to the toilet, and back out into the hallway, across the kitchen, and out the door again. What I don't get is that there was no food for them anywhere, other than those godforsaken ant motels. I have become a total neat freak lately so the whole house is immaculate I have not used the motel thingies before but surely the point cannot be to bring all the ants in Indiana into my house and THEN kill them ("you will see fewer ants in about 1-2 weeks"). And by "fewer" we mean fewer than the population of China, but many, many more than were in your house and drove you to purchase Ant Motels in the first place. Whew. Basically, my house was filled with approximately a gadzillion bazillion trazillion ants... Just what I want to see after a spending all that money on ant motels. So I decided the heck with this Motel crap, I'm going postal. I pulled out a can of Ant Raid and sprayed everything. I lost my patience and started spraying Ant Killer everywhere). I had to wash every darn thing in the silverware drawer, which allowed me to notice that I have way too many spoons, and practically no knives. Where did all the knives go? I started out with a set of 8 spoons, 8 forks, and 8 knives. Well now I have 3 knives, 8 forks, and 18 spoons. WTF? Where are all these spoons coming from? Also, I had a bunch of those little drink umbrellas bought last summer in the hopes that I'd have a bunch of girlfriends who like drinks with umbrellas rather than a bunch of guy friends who drink beer. Well, you can't put pink umbrellas in beer and they were all covered in ants so I had to throw them away and now my fancy drink dreams are completely shattered.